Breast Assured

Oh hey its me.

I have a lot to say as I’m sure everyone knows. But right now, sitting in my computer chair – I have to say I am extremely uncomfortable. So we will see how far I can go with this.

Its now been exactly two weeks since major surgery. Right now, I am doing alright but I must say, the past couple of weeks have been pretty traumatic.

I went into hospital on the afternoon of Wednesday the 5th of January to be prepared to fast, be informed of the next 7-10 days ahead of me and have my body marked up for surgery first thing the next morning.

Last night of snuggles before surgery

I had the best nurses I have ever experienced which made my stay very pleasant. Not to mention the most unreal surgeon who mentally prepared me for everything, told me everything as bluntly as possible to honestly guide me through each and every step, even now – he has just been the most wonderful man.

FRONT - Slightly sunburnt

BACK - Slightly sunburnt again

The blue marker indicates all the incisions which were made to create my new breasts. You can see there is a 27 and a 22 on the front – this shows that the skin on left side (first mastectomy) shrunk by 5cms from having radiotherapy. Therefore, they had to cut out (see back image) the big eclipse shape of skin on the left of my back to add to the skin on my left breast to accomodate the implant. Same goes for the right. I had the right breast removed including the nipple, so on the right of my back – this smaller eclipse shape of skin on the right of the back outline has been placed on my right breast where my nipple used to be. So each breast has a piece of skin from my back stitched on. Weird? The big outlines on my back are traced around my latissimus dorsi muscles which have been split from my back and now wrapped around to the front, under my armpit to hold each implant in place. This is what has and still is, causing the majority of my pain.

I don’t recall being in recovery, I don’t recall coming back into my room… I don’t recall much from the first four days after surgery but I do remember there was an emergency situation where I can remember eight nurses being in my room at once – also with Adams parents and my dad. No detail needed but lets just say people do not listen to you when you say ‘don’t interfere with my diabetes or I will end up never waking up’. They went against my rules with my medication and emergency action was taken. Moving on…. here is an image of my breasts straight out of surgery. I could not believe my eyes when I saw them. I didn’t really think I would have two breast-looking objects on my skin so soon!? I was absolutely stoked. Also the fact that my IV port was FINALLY removed!

Straight out of surgery

As you may know, with most major surgeries they attach drains to your wound sites. They are tubes that go into the wounds and drain the excess blood and plasma into big bottles. I had six which stayed in for the eight days I was in hospital for. 2 drains in each breast and two in each wound in my back. You can imagine how uncomfortable I was with not just big wounds in my front and back, but constantly lying on four thick painful tubes that went 10-15cms deep into my back.

3/6 drains

I had a PCA machine, which is an electronically controlled infusion pump that delivers an amount of intravenous analgesic (usually an opioid) that is set by the patient. PCA can be used for both acute and chronic pain patients. It is commonly used for post-operative pain management, and for end-stage cancer patients. This was great, As I mentioned before – I actually cannot recall the first few days after surgery because I was so out of it from pressing my morphine button so much. I was sponge bathed by nurses and had a catheda attached so really, I did not/could not get out of bed at all for those first few days. Either day three or four, I was forced to sit up and shuffle to the edge of the bed with my feet hanging over the bed. This was really, really REALLY hard. It took me about 15 minutes because I was not allowed to use my arms to push on to move. I had to use my abs to crunch forward from laying position then shuffle my bum literally 1 cm at a time to the edge (whilst moving all six drain bottles with me) and hooking my leg/foot on the edge of the bed to try swivel myself around – very, very slowly.

PCA Control

All good baby

Day four – Sunday, they took the PCA machine off me. I was hallucinating and extremely itchy. I was having to get people to come in and scratch my shins and hair line so hard. As the day went on my mood also dropped and I became negative, cranky and emotional. Withdrawal effects from these drugs are obviously pretty normal but it was really hard for me because I felt like such an invalid and couldn’t even get out of bed by myself or just walk across to the balcony off my room for some fresh air.

Day five – Monday, this was the worst day in hospital. Again, the side effects from coming off the PCA machine and switching to Oxycodone were not good. I was told I had to have my catheda out which was really not pleasant and meant I had to get up and start going to the bathroom myself, I was also told I had to start getting up to shower – with supervision, also a physio came in to see me and gave me some exercises to start. It was all too much to take on with how I was feeling. I spent a lot of monday in tears, missing home and just in general living normality. I had to hold it together so I kept telling myself ‘tomorrow will be better’.

The doctors and nurses had realised how sensitive I was mentally and physically and from about day three, they had limited all hospital visits to only immediate family. My surgeon even wrote a note and stuck it on my door saying ‘IMMEDIATE FAMILY VISITS – 10 MINUTES ONLY’ pretty extreme, but when Adam or mum etc came in, they could really stay longer – but it was my call because I needed to rest as much as I could.

Day five was definitely better, thank god. The surgeon was happy to see me feeling better that day and also had some more news. They had taken some blood from me a couple of days prior to test everything, and my Thyroid function had dropped. I am always battling up and down with this medication! We had to increase my dose and would be due to re-test it in a few weeks again. Also, after the right mastectomy they sent off all of the breast tissue to be checked for any cancerous cells.. I was pretty scared about this because what if they found something in my other breast?! Would this mean chemo again?! Thankfully, I was in the clear. My right breast was cancer-free. Oh what a huge relief! (I received this letter below in the mail once I returned home)

Within the next few days I was starting to feel a tiny bit better each day with my positive mind back in action. I was getting up and showering by myself, walking to the communal kitchen to make my own cups of tea, walking laps around the ward to help with the accumulative fluids that had decided to live in my body – causing me to look like I had gained about 10 kilos and I even bumped into a gorgeous older lady who had the same surgery as me, the day before I did! We had great chats as we walked around the ward together (both with all six drains and bottles still attached) laughed about similar situations we were in, the horrible swelling and weight gain-look from the fluid retention and so much more. It became a very regular thing! We would knock on each others door for our next walks and chats or just a sit down and chat when we got bored or felt sad. Its so lovely because we also had the same surgeon and even now, I have seen her outside of hospital at the surgeons room for check ups.

I was discharged from the hospital on Thursday 12th January. Before leaving I had the horrible experience (for me anyway) of the drain removal. I had two drains to my left arm for my first mastectomy in 2010 (one for breast removal and one for the axillary lymph nodes) and I didn’t have a pleasant experience with it. This time, 3-6 of the drains caused me a lot of pain and tears. It is a terribly traumatic situation for me!

Mum picked me up and I left the hospital looking pretty battered up with bruises which has been slightly embarrassing for when I have been in public, as the bruises are still not 100% gone. Even after using special creams 3 x a day to break them down! I was having eight injections a day in hospital, both my Insulin and Heprin (which prevents blood clotting). sometimes more. So I suppose I had to expect that.

Some of my bruises

On day seven, Adam went down south with some friends for a couple of nights. I insisted he went and took some time off and that I would be fine in hospital etc by myself. I wanted him to have a little get away and time to himself with friends before I came home. I’m really glad he went and I think it would of given him some time to clear his head and have some fun!

Its now been 20 days since surgery. I am still taking a lot of Oxycodone for pain every four hours and cannot sit in a chair or lay in bed very well. My arms are extremely swollen near my armpits where my back muscle has been split and twisted around to each breast on each side. I cannot lift anything heavier than 4kgs or raise my hands above my head.

I see my surgeon every tuesday now for check ups and the last two times, he has drained the wounds in my back with a massive syringe. This is because I still have excess fluids accumulating in my back which is very visible! When I lay down in bed (I can only lay on my back) it feels like a water bed is attached to my back and I can feel it all sloshing around. My fluid retention has come down a lot and I am looking more like myself as in my normal weight.

I have to wear a surgical bra 24/7 – very unattractive – for 6 weeks after surgery. For anyone that has had a breast enhancement or knows someone who has, its the same kind of bra as that. Its not nice to wear in the heat because its so thick and heavy that I sweat the whole bra out every day and have to wash it every night so I can alternate between the two I bought. Here is a photo I took wearing a slim fit tank top – without the bra on.. Pretty good so far!!

As expected, the left side is not sitting as well as the right side. This is because it was the side that had the ‘delayed’ reconstruction after mastectomy. My surgeon says he will get this perfect within time, though in the meanwhile, its going to go through some odd looking stages. But hey, I am glad to just have two breasts in general.

Here is a view a week out of hospital. This shows both front and side. This is also before the bruising kicked in.

Side - one drain wound exposed

Front - top scar on my right breast is where IV port was removed

Here again, is more breast images from yesterday when the nurse removed my bandages to re-apply new ones. The scars you see around the skin flaps are not actually scars, its the scabbing from the wounds. The scars themself up close are actually amazingly thin! As thin as a sharp pencil line.

As you can also see, one of my shoulders is sitting higher than the other. This is something I am working on with physio. Its really hard having my back muscles moved as its affecting every movement and my posture. I have to think 10 times harder about the way I now move and sit/stand.

Soggy bandages removed for first time.

Back - RHS, after syringe drainage

I think I am going quite well and proud of myself for what I have been through. I am doing everything I’ve been told to do and not pushed myself too hard. Pushing myself too hard is something I am known for by my family. So I am really trying to do everything perfect so I can have the best recovery possible. I have also started to see a lovely councellor from Breast Care WA. She comes to see me at home and I am able to chat to her about so many things I haven’t really been able to say before. This is going to help me a lot over the next few months as I feel that now I am coming closer to what everyone seems to think is the ‘end’ of my journey.. its really just the beginning of a whole new process to go through. I don’t expect anyone to understand and not many people probably will.

To all the people who have taken the time to send me texts/emails/tried to call me, thank you. I appreciate it – though if I have not responded I am sorry. If anything I am trying to just get on with what is happening now and save any updating or explaining for my blog for everyone to see for themselves. I hope to return to working as as soon as possible from home and try get back into routine life. xo

Tags: Breast Cancer, Diabetes, Diagnosis, Fertility, Health, Inspiration, Life, Love, Oncology, Physiotherapy, Radiotherapy, Spiritual, Surgery, Surgery Recovery

Today is the day..

Today is the day.

I will be admitted to the hospital at 4:30pm so they can fast me over night as I am first up in the morning for the big operation.

I have put aside all feelings of fear and stress because I now feel really positive about going into this. I have wanted it for so long and cannot wait to see the results improving every day. I am really, really excited! I have a lot of this positivity from a lady called Mary to thank. Adam’s mother met Mary a while ago, who had the same reconstruction as I am having. Rosa gave my number to Mary and she called me over the weekend. I think that we had a lot in common. Mary was only 38 I think it was, when she had breast cancer and she is now 2 years down the track with fantastic results and her scars have faded pretty much to nothing. I have this to look forward to. We discussed a lot of things in detail and I got off the phone feeling a zillion times better. I plan to go visit her with Rosa once I am a few weeks down the track and able to leave the house comfortably!

The last few days I have been going to the beach to get some vitamin D from the lovely sun and bathe my skin in the salt water for some healing. My skin has broken out a lot which I assume is from a bit of stress lately. Even though its been really tricky wearing bikinis, I’m really glad that I chose to go because I feel great.

I am going to try be quick with updating today because I have lots to do this afternoon before I go in. So I am going to put up some hair photos.

One of my first ponytails

My current ponytail

This was about 6-8 weeks of growth, which is pretty amazing. I can only style my ponytails when my hair is wet and use a lot of hair spray to keep the side and fronts down, so they can have the illusion of reaching the lacky band at the back. As my hair is all one length (still not had it cut/trimmed), you can imagine that would make the back seem a lot longer than the front. This is really irritating. I plan to have the back trimmed in 6-8 weeks from now.

Quiff #1

Quiff #2

Slick Hair

Wet Hair

Dry Hair

Dry Hair #2

There you have it. I have always been pretty creative with my hair. Not just colouring it but just the way I can style and wear it differently all the time. I am glad I have this talent because I don’t know what I would do with out these neat skills!

I don’t really know how long I will be out of action for. Its all a mystery. But I want to thank each and everyone of for your support up until now. Even if you don’t know me and read my blog, it means a lot to me – this was my purpose to get my story heard and make people aware of what can happen and how important you and your life is.

I will be getting my mum and some others to get some photos and take note of things happening whilst in hospital so I can share it with you all when I return. Thanks so much to all of those who have already sent me beautiful messages wishing me the best today! I am extremely excited to see my sister Jess who will be returning home in 3 weeks after being away since early December. I can’t wait to see her. But most of all, I am going to miss my unbelievable fiance Adam. You are the light of my life and my saviour!

I am going to leave you with a song to listen to by Plan B.

Peace out guys – its time for me to prepare for the rest of the week on morphine

Tags: Breast Cancer, Diabetes, Diagnosis, Fertility, Health, Inspiration, Life, Love, Oncology, Photography, Physiotherapy, Radiotherapy, Spiritual, Surgery, Surgery Recovery

Two and a half months later…

So its been quite some time since I last updated my progress. You may think this has been because not much is really going on now that chemotherapy is over and my hair is now growing outrageously. You are wrong. A lot has been happening and I am about to share it with you all.

I hope everyone had a happy christmas and a nice break. I am back at work already with about 5% of my fellow staff members! Its really strange having an empty work space. My christmas felt loving and special because I was so unwell last year and didn’t get to enjoy much of the day.

A week from today I will be admitted to hospital for my lattissimus dorsi breast reconstruction/second mastectomy/IV port removed. I have been a very patient girl all year putting up both with evening out my left side and just going out in public with the fact I have one breast, very obvious. I am so used to it now but also really, really excited to get this slow process started and become a new woman! For the past couple of months I have been either really loking forward to surgery but then also extremely scared. I am going from being happily pain-free full time worker, gym junkie Rachel to bed ridden with a morphine pump (hell yeah!), 6 drains, a catheta and pooing into a pan – for 7-10 days whilst in hospital. I have to keep telling myself that this is going to be so worth it and thinking out the final outcome. I will update more on this once I have some more details!

I also mentioned in my last post back in mid October that I was going to tell you about my Aunt Patricia from Ireland who we lost back in early September. Patricia was suddenly diagnosed with late stages of stomach cancer. Twelve weeks from diagnosis –  she passed away. If you are interested in reading a little bit more about this wonderful, inspiring women please click on the following link. She was a very talented and accomplished women and we were all very proud of her.

http://www.independent.ie/national-news/vibrant-and-vivid-sendoff-at-patricias-moving-service-2866208.html

I’m sure you can all understand how that made me feel. I had just jumped over a massive hurdle in my life (well close to) as I was just finishing my last couple of chemo treatments when we received the horrific news. I think inside somewhere, I could vibe her strength whilst also sending so much of my positive energy her way.

I have had a lot of thinking time over the past couple of months, I purposely didn’t want to update my blog because I felt I needed some time to leave my writing and slot myself back into my place in life. From the last time I had been into the cancer center at the hospital and being told by my Oncologist that it was the last time I had to come in until April 2012 – I was in shock. I felt almost lost? This place felt like a second home to me! As I left to approach the reception before leaving – the receptionists were so excited to hear I didn’t have to come back for six months! At this time, in my head I had to keep telling myself, ‘wow its over – I have so much to look forward to.’ It took me a long time to grasp this feeling and really start to move on from what I, we (my family) had just been through, mentally and physically..

This was until late November I was about 10 minutes off from finishing up at work. I keep my mobile in clear vision at my computer incase of any urgent calls I need to take and I saw my phone light up. It was my Oncologist. My heart skipped a beat, of course – because why would she be calling me?! Was something wrong?!.. I grabbed my belongings and shut down my computer without even saving my work, just so I could run out and take the call in time. She told me I needed to come in that week to discuss something. As you know, doctors can’t tell you things over the phone, she gave me a small insight on the matter and told me I didn’t need to worry. What did I do? I worried. Adam was away that week for a photo shoot without very good phone reception though that didn’t matter because I couldn’t just call him stressing or upset because it would just worry him even more being away, so I decided to just wait till I spoke to her – I mean, she said it was nothing to worry about?

Three days later I had my mum and dad sitting with me waiting to go in and speak to her. Mum and dad insisted it was going to be fine but I could tell by the stressful look on both of their faces that there would have to be some kind of doubt inside of them. To make things worse, every other patient in the waiting room was seen before me, I was last – this just made me more nervous because I knew she needed more time to talk to us.

We sat down and she began to tell us that she was overlooking my tumor results from my mastectomy and wanted a second opinion on a couple of things which sat slightly in a ‘grey’ area. It turns out, that my cancer was misdiagnosed. Sorry, hold on… MISDIAGNOSED?! I was not estrogen/progesterone negative, but estrogen/progesterone positive. After telling myself its over, treatment is done – I am now going to move on from this, I get told I was misdiagnosed and should be having further treatment. Well, should have been having further treatment SINCE FEBRUARY. Surely you can think of how my parents felt, and how I FELT thinking I had missed out on something that is supposedly going to stop me from relapsing? My Oncologist was just as unimpressed as we were. So where does that leave me now? I should have been on a drug called Tamoxifen since February. Though, it is my choice to decide whether I want to take this drug or not. It is of oral form but once we had talked all the side effects and details about it through, it turns out that for me there is no proven fact that it will help me in the future. Age, tumor size, tumor type… its all very confusing. She told me the course of this drug was for FIVE years. Though I could take it for 2-3 years if I wanted to to, or try it and if I don’t like it/have bad side effects come off it. This drug would put me back into menopause again and yes, again, decrease my chances of having children. Why would I do this to myself? If there is no proven fact that this is going to one day save my life, then why would I go through the horrible side effects of this? Rewinding a little bit now, what does this mean? how does it effect me? Well, it means my cancer fed off estrogen/progesterone. That scares me because I was pumping my body full of estrogen when I went through IVF… Thank god I refuse to take the contraceptive pill, because that would of also been a lovely snack for my cancer to grow on.. and the medication I took whilst going through menopause? that was estrogen based too. It makes me angry because pathologist have no room for mistake. Yes, everyone makes mistakes but for this, I don’t think so. I have made my decision and will be calling her this week to tell her.

On a much more cheerful note, last week I was walking home from work feeling tired and crappy whilst on the phone to my mum. I opened the letterbox and pulled out an A3 envelope which Adam seemed excited about – though I was too busy talking to mum. When I finally listened to him he said I had been nominated for Australian of the Year?! Thats crazy! I have no idea who nominated me but I received a certificate and wonderful letter from Australian Cricketer Adam Gilchrist. This is something I am very proud of and will be framing in my house. It reminds me of my strength and to keep my head up. Funnily enough, that morning I woke up feeling blank and didn’t feel very good. But I stepped outside, took a big breathe of fresh air and actually tweeted that ‘Today is going to be good’. Positivity does amazing things.

Letter

Certificate

Even though I have had a bit of a break from writing, I have noticed when I have checked my blog stats, I am still getting around 100 views a DAY! Its so great to see people are interested in what I have to say/show. I will be updating a lot more again whilst going through my reconstruction with lots of photos, so keep checking in, plus some updates with my hair situation which is pretty cool these days.

xox

Tags: Breast Cancer, Diabetes, Diagnosis, Fertility, Health, Inspiration, Life, Love, Oncology, Physiotherapy, Radiotherapy, Spiritual, Surgery, Surgery Recovery

Two thousand &.. what?!

It only occured to me today that really, 2011 is almost over.

Has a year really gone by that fast? This time last year I was re-cooperating from my mastectomy and lymph node removal, whilst also preparing myself for the installation of my IV port and IVF procedure to begin (in two days from now to be precise). How can I forget…. It was also nine days prior my first cycle of chemotherapy. Look at me now.. I am flying with colours and doing bigger and better things.

On my last day of chemo (29th Sept 2011!) I ran into my friend who I had been seeing on my last 3-4 cycles as she had just started chemo for breast cancer. We never really went into detail by asking what she actually had done with surgery/diagnosis. To me, she has always seemed a little bit more conservative than I am. Though, we ended up discussing reconstruction. She was lucky enough to have her recon done the same time she had her bilateral mastectomy. She is still in the process of having her skin stretched with the semi-permanent implants (which of course is how mine will also be done). I politely asked her if I could feel them and she was more than happy to let me have a touch! They were ROCK hard. I have been told this by my surgeon though, once the semi-permanent implants are removed and the silicon is replaced by them, they do loosen up. She continued to tell me about how terrible it is to have the skin stretched and how she hates to look at them in the mirror and how uncomfortable they are. It was not exactly what I wanted to hear, but I am all for pros and cons so I continued to talk to her. She alerted me when she said she was supposed to see the surgeon I am booked in with for January 5th, by telling me she ended up going to someone else as they offered a much less crazy procedure. I was itching with concern thinking ‘oh no, I am so excited and ready for my surgery, though what if I should get a second opinion?!’ She said she had 3 different opinions and I knew, I had to research more into what I was about to go through. I am booked with the best surgeon already which I feel confident about, but I do think that this is something that is going to affect me for the rest of my life – so – only today, I got the guts to call up and book my second opinion. I am feeling really stubborn about this and not wanting to go, not wanting to take MORE time off work for medial issues and not wanting to possibly have to cancel my booked surgery for a later date next year. Its driving me insane, though I know its for the best. Ugh.

My hair is coming along pretty good these days, I swear its growing by the week! I have this lil thing I do, where I try push it back into a pony tail and every week it is definitely a bit longer. Below, I have created a gif file for everyone to see my progress.

HAIR!!!!! Click on this image to view the animated gif in another window!

Finally I feel like I am settling into work, things are getting easier and more routine like. I am also keeping up well with my exercising which has definitely paid off with all my extremely hard work/effort. I can’t wait for summer seeing as I missed out on the whole warm season last year.

This morning mum texted me with the horrible news about 36 year old Giuliana Rancic. She is the host of E! news if you didn’t know. She was diagnosed with breast cancer and is undergoing surgery this week and six or so weeks of radiotherapy. I really feel for her as her and her husband have been through the process of IVF twice, whilst in the middle of their third time right now with the possibly of being pregnant. I obviously know how grueling IVF is both mentally and physically and I have only done it once whilst luckily, being successful.

Here is a link to a video if you would like to see it:    Giuliana Rancic – Breast Cancer

So more things are coming up, I am booked in to have all four of my wisdom teeth cut out in hospital on November 11th. This will make the date 11.11.11 which is pretty cool! I hope I go okay with this as I want to be back at work as soon as possible so I purposely booked it for a friday so I have the weekend to get better super fast. Unfortunately I will be missing out on my friends wedding but I will be going to her Hen’s day this saturday so I will be making up for it by celebrating this weekend. I am really excited because I am starting to get into wedding mode myself. On saturday morning I got up and looked through heaps of wedding magazines whilst bookmarking things I liked and starting to get ideas for myself! I have to admit I definitely had butterflies in my tummy at the thought of it

I almost forgot to mention that I did end up doing the second public speech that Deida from Breast Care WA contacted me about. Mum also filmed this speech which I can put up if anyone really wants to see it (message me if you really want to see it and I can upload it). I was so happy as both my mum and dad came with me to this one. Dad was in Asia when I did the speech for The Pink Gig so he couldn’t make it, though I was really happy that he came to The Bossom Buddies. He was so proud of me when I came back to the table with my beautiful bunch of flowers and book that was awarded to me after my speech. I told him that I didn’t just do the speech for myself, but also for his older sister Patricia – whom I will be dedicating a whole blog post to this week. She very sadly passed away not too long ago at all from suddenly being diagnosed with stomach cancer. So I was the start of something in my family and we obviously now have a bit of a history with it. I could tell my dad was really heartfelt and I knew how much me saying that, meant to him.

My wonderful dad

I have another photo I thought I would share with everyone. The effects from radiotherapy are still present. I still have a tan mark from where I was exposed to. It has lighted up a lot now but I cannot believe its been six months and it still hasn’t completely gone! My mastectomy scar is looking good now and becoming more transparent looking rather than a purplish-red colour. As for my IV port scar… Thats never really healed. I hope that once it is removed it will heal up better. I suppose it would because its a foreign body and should go away once its gone? I will find out next year. I have also noticedwith my IV port that its a lot more prominent than it used to be. Maybe my chest is more toned from the gym or maybe it has just settled into my body within time. It buldges out of my chest which makes it extremely noticable and isn’t attractive at all. I will try get a better photo of this another time – you can only just see it in the image below.

Radiotherapy 'tan' and mastectomy/IV port scars.

About a month ago, I decided I needed to order a brand new medic alert bracelet. I have worn one every day since I was diagnosed with diabetes 20 years ago. Incase you didn’t know, its a bracelet you wear daily if you have a medical condition so if you were found unconscious or in a car accident etc, paramedics can recognize you have an illness or know if you have certain medications or anything like that. Pretty good idea if you ask me. Anyhow, the one I have always worn just said on the back of it… ‘TYPE 1 DIABETES ON: INSULIN’. After all my cancer bullshit, I now have to try eliminate the chances of getting lymphoedema. As mentioned several times, I cannot have injections/drips/blood pressure taken on my left arm for the rest of my life. I have been hospitalized many times in the past for unexpected things so I thought it was smart to somehow get this also engraved onto my medic alert. When I contacted the company they recommended I purchased a ‘large emblem’. Before, I had a small one as I only needed one line of text engraved – now, I have 4 lines. This emblem is MASSIVE! I will show you the difference in size another time if I can locate my old one. It now says on it… ‘TYPE 1 DIABETES ON: INSULIN ALERT LYMPHOEDEMA (L) ARM – NO IV,BP,INJ. Its actually crazy how cramped up with text it is. Oh the things you have to do to stay safe. These bracelets are pretty ugly but Jess bought me a really nice bracelet and got the emblem solded onto it at the jeweler. What a babe!

I am going to leave you with two more photos, these were both taken on my last day of chemo. One of me and Adam (well, what you can see of him..) and the second one is of a pretty pink bush of flowers I saw when I stepped out of the hospital. They were so pretty I had to get a photo with them! (being pink its also totally appropriate)

One more time.......

What an amazing feeling......

Thats all from me today, I will be updating soon with a story on Patricia, my wonderful, inspiring Aunty. RIP xxxxxxxxx

Tags: Breast Cancer, Diabetes, Diagnosis, Fertility, Fundraiser, Health, Inspiration, Life, Love, Oncology, Photography, Physiotherapy, Radiotherapy, Spiritual, Surgery, Surgery Recovery

Silence!

So last saturday was the night of ‘The Pink Gig.’ I arrived with mum, Jess, Rosa (my future mother in law) and Casey. I was pretty overwhelmed when I got there to see so many happy, supportive people. Both females and males! I was wondering why I did not feel at all nervous. I guess the fact that I was going to be talking about something I knew so well, about myself.

Around 9pm Terry, our Mc for the night (from big brother) was calling my name out, I was shocked and left my friends to go up towards the stage. I had to whisper to him ‘is it possible to get a mic stand?!’ as I had my speech loaded onto Adam’s iPad to read from. Soon enough I ended up standing on the stage, which felt a little strange because everyone was standing on the carpet AFTER the dance floor! I guess this was good because I couldn’t really make eye contact with any one. I usually laugh or giggle in stressful or serious situations, I have always done this and its not a good trait to have!

I still was not nervous being up there in front of 400 people. Though, I suppose the fact that I made a few mistakes whilst talking and the pace of my voice shows I had a whole heap of adrenaline running through my body infront of this big crowd!  It was unbelievable that I was able to instantly silence the room.  You could literally hear a pin drop. There was a lot of sniffling going on and some tears shed.

A huge thanks to my mum and Casey for doing these videos on their iPhones. This one is Casey’s version as mum’s ended up filming sideways which is a shame because she had the very first part of when I was called up, filmed also.Unfortunately, wordpress now charges you $59.95 a year for uploading videos so I have uploaded it to youtube instead. Here we go!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cB4pHVMzkAs

The response I had once I came down off the stage was pretty incredible. I had people coming up to me for the rest of the night saying wonderful things to me and so many males sharing special stories with me. Some of them attend the fundraising events every year as they have lost their wives to breast cancer or have been through cancer themselves.

Thanks to Fiona and Ange for giving me the opportunity to even do this. I felt good getting my story heard and look forward to doing it again! Thanks also to Alex for taking these photos on the night. Here are a couple.

Terry & I, pre-speech

Speech time

The wonderful girls.. xox

Jess, me & mumma

Mumma Bear

I had some good news from someone on the night which I will discuss more later when I know, but on the same note, I had a phone call from Deida at Breast Cancer Care WA – She looked after the pamper day I attended earlier this year. She heard about my inspirational speech and was moved by it. She has passed on my information to another fundraising group who have been doing their events for now, five years. I am now going to be doing another public speech on friday 30th September! I am so excited to once again, tell my story and improve my speaking skills. This is something I would really like to to more of as I feel like I am doing my bit to help with the awareness of Breast Cancer! If anyone knows anyone or anything that wants me to talk for anything, message me and I would be more than happy to help.

SO.. I turned 29 this week. Wow. I am now in my last year of my 20′s. I had a really, really crazy surprise on the morning of my birthday, I woke up and had my period. I was squealing with excitement! I assume this means my ovaries have recovered?! Does this mean I can have my OWN children!? can’t believe it. Everyday is amazing, I am getting through this long tough journey day by day and absolutely killing it! I have always been an extremely clucky girl, though I am even more so now! The other night when I was at mum’s house, she had a photo up on her pin up board. It was a polaroid picture of her in hospital holding me as a baby. She had it up because it had been my birthday week which I thought was really sweet. Its so crazy to think that at that time, my mum would of had no idea that her baby girl would end up having breast cancer.

19th September 1982

Back onto babies, I met up with my beautiful friend Louise and her gorgeous daughter Eliza. – She is about four months now and so  adorable! I felt so blessed cuddling her and thinking that one day I will too, be able to have my own lil baby and what a special baby he/she will be! Here is a photo of us from yesterday., I think my facial expression shows how ecstatic I was at the time

Cuddles!!!!

My birthday was wonderful. I don’t really like to celebrate my own birthday, maybe a small dinner with some family or close friends. But this year I just didn’t feel like it, plus it was a busy monday at work. At about 3:30 in the afternonon, the receptionist at work called my phone extension… She said I needed to come down stairs because there was a delivery for me. At this time I didn’t really think much of it because I was so focused on what I was working on at the time.. Any how, I came down and there was a hugeeeee bunch of beautiful flowers! I gasped with my hands over my eyes going ‘WHOOOO DID THIIIIIIS!!!!!!!!!!‘ I read the card and it was from Adam. Am I lucky or what?! Everyone was so jealous. I have had them on my desk at work all week and every time I looked at them I smiled and felt so loved and happy. I decided I just wanted to go out for dinner with Adam and celebrate quietly ourselves. To top my night off, I went to the bathroom and found this on the mirror. Isn’t this such a nice thing to see unexpectedly?

'When ever you're in doubt, remind yourself...You are beautiful'

Updates again soon as I have a lot more to write though its not all appropriate to put into one post.

Peace!

Tags: Breast Cancer, Diabetes, Diagnosis, Fertility, Fundraiser, Health, Inspiration, Life, Love, Oncology, Photography, Physiotherapy, Radiotherapy, Spiritual, Surgery, Surgery Recovery

One more time.

The past two weeks have been pretty busy for me. As I work flexible, I am able to take time off where needed so long as I make up for it. I had my second last chemo cycle last thursday so I had to take the whole day off. Meaning I worked between 9-10 hours everyday last week to make up for taking the thursday off. My day off was pretty hectic. I was on the phone to my dentist trying to work out when I can get my wisdom teeth out which I am hoping they can postpone that till next year.  Then I had a chat to the receptionist at my breast surgeons clinic. This is complicated… I thought to myself the other day ‘why haven’t I been given a date for my reconstruction surgery? Am I supposed to BOOK this?!’ The lady told me that I actually cannot book my surgery till I have seen the surgeon for my final consultation on November 4. Which really sucks because they only have ONE more appointment left for this year to have the big operation. I was pretty upset and I asked her if she could pencil me in but it seems that they cannot do that. I am praying that I get that last appointment or I will have to push my surgery on to next year some time. I was really looking forward to seeing everything out this year and moving on next year.. But really, what can you do?

Then I was off to have my full blood count (I actually had four different blood test sheets worth due to my GP requesting further studies on other problems) done in the morning then had to make my way over to medicare and medibank (which happen to be about a 25 minute drive from each other) and make some claims. I hope that money gets into my account soon because its been about 2 months since I have not had the chance to go in to medicare and medibank to be able to claim this $600 back. Next was my scheduled visit to my oncologist, I told her how I had been feeling down about treatment coming to an end but she said its all very normal and most people feel exactly the same. She also reminded me that I will still be going into the hospital pretty regularly for scans and check ups which I kinda forgot about. I need that 5-10 year clearance of the cancer not coming back. I feel 120% positive about this and know it WON’T come back to haunt me. Having gone through this at a young age can make the risk higher of cancer returning, but I don’t believe its going to happen to me.

I also discussed with her that I have been having problems with my skin breaking out, really intense stomach bloating (I looked about six months pregnant the other night and actually did a pregnancy test just incase – yes it is possible for me to fall pregnant even whilst my period has not yet returned!) and I asked if maybe this was a sign of my hormones playing up and my period possibly coming back?! She said it most probably was… Then asked ‘how are your hot flushes going?’ I blanked out and thought for a few seconds.. I DON’T EVEN GET THEM ANYMORE! I had not even realised this myself! It is very possible that my ovaries are recovering which still could take months to completely go back to normal, but I am most certainly feeling happy that I can maybe be a normal woman again sometime in the near future.

Fast forwarding to sunday, I had such a wonderful day. I helped several other young ladies, plus many other mature ladies organise and pack all of the showbags to give away at ‘The Pink Gig’ – which is already coming up and THIS saturday night! I felt extremely overwhelmed when I arrived with Kim and Casey, there were so many happy ladies there for such a good cause. We had such a nice sunny afternoon whilst sharing wine, cheese, more nibbles and just great company.

I started writing my speech on monday night. It has been a lot harder than anyone could imagine. Yeah, its on a topic I know so well and about myself but choosing the right words/things to say has been tricky. I want to be able to portray a good message which I am sure I will, but its still been hard! I hope to find out if someone has a camcorder or something and can film it so I can blog it here later on so everyone can watch it. I’d also like to watch it myself and keep for life.

Work has been going really well, I have had some very stressful days lately but it always works out one way or another. I have worn a wig to work every day since I started and getting pretty sick of putting it on every day… though I don’t feel comfortable randomly rocking up with boy short hair just yet, also the fact that I have 3 very visible tattoos in that area makes me feel a bit self conscious for only being there 5 weeks or whatever it is now!? I am sure they have already seen them and don’t mind anyway, but I just feel so exposed with this short hair.

Anyway, I am off to try think of more things to say in my speech before I get too tired and fall asleep!

Curly hair?!!?!?!

Good night all xo

Tags: Breast Cancer, Diabetes, Diagnosis, Fertility, Fundraiser, Health, Inspiration, Life, Oncology, Physiotherapy, Radiotherapy, Spiritual, Surgery, Surgery Recovery

R.I.P Elliot Parish

As I mentioned last night… Here is the scanned article on Elliot Parish. Rest in peace beautiful boy.

 

Rick & Emily Parish

 

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Tags: Breast Cancer, Diagnosis, Fertility, Fundraiser, Health, Inspiration, Life, Love, Oncology, Physiotherapy, Radiotherapy, Spiritual, Surgery, Surgery Recovery