Thursty Thirsday/Thirsty Thursday?!

Today has sucked me dry.

I am sick, exhausted and nauseas.

Had a coordination appointment this morning which went for 2 and a half hours in regards to fertility and IVF etc.

As of today I am off the pill I was put onto for 6 days, and now forcing my body into an unnatural state so I can have a better chance of having children in the future.

I will be taking several different drugs, injections taken by myself along with my daily insulin shots, and oral medication to stimulate my ovaries and have an operation in two weeks to have eggs taken from me, vaginally. haha

There are a few scary risks involved as most ops do have, but I know I am going to be fine and we will make perfect babies.

Also saw my Oncologist this afternoon, I will be starting chemo on the 29th of October which is when I will be done with this second operation.

I am definately in the run for the B.E.T.H clinical trial and be finding out on the 28th October if I have been selected for the new chemo drug. My first chemo on the 29th will take 9 hours. So please, anyone that has movies I have NOT seen, and even more so, seasons of any cool tv series… I am seriously in need for time consuming things.

Can’t even remember if I blogged yesterday, but Bee cut my hair short for me. It sits just under my ears. Its pretty cute. We will be cutting it shorter again soon, then doing the big shave. I don’t give two shits what I will look like to be honest. I am planning my accessories already, and for the days I really can’t be f***** I will be chucking on a baseball cap, if that, which is probably going to be most days.

I emailed a cosmetic surgeon friend of ours last night, he was the reconstruction surgeon for the Bali bombing so I am keen to hear back from him and see what he has to say.

Don’t know if I will even go to meditation tomorrow. Thats another 2.5 hours of my day gone. I’m just feeling so unwell and need a rest. Although I did leave my Gucci sunglasses there last week and they are eagerly waiting for me to pick them up.

Now, it is time for dry cereal on the couch along with The Kardashians, green tea, and a huge glass of mineral water. SO thirsty.

Here is a photo of me right now. You can vibe my mood. I look crappy and I have saw red eyes. I also have no bra on, even though my tshirt is see-through. I bet you never would of guessed… Can you see my no boobie scar? 🙂

Thursty Thirsday/Thirsty Thursday?!

Sniffle sniffle…

It’s 2am. I have been slowly coming down with some kind of cold which is really irritating me. Not to mention also scare me. I need to stay super healthy and free of infection.

Today Adam and I had to have our HIV and Hep blood tests. It was also the day for Adam to deliver liquids into a jar for a sperm count study. They supplied Penthouse magazines, I thought that was pretty funny.

I also had a physio appointment with Emma again. I had not seen her since I was in hospital and felt like I needed her to see how I was going and if I needed to push myself further than I have been or if I was doing well.

She found several areas of cording. This I had dreaded.

So, what the hell is cording?..

  • Cording occurs as a result of the lymph glands and lymph channels being removed from your axilla region or armpit
  • Cording often shows itself as a palpable tight and painful band of tissue (like a cord – hence the name) running down the arm towards the hand
  • Cording can be felt at any part of the arm (Marjory had pain and tightness down the back of her arm but I’ve heard of other women who feel it in the forearm or around the elbow)
  • Cording is a kind of soft tissue tightness usually seen in the axilla.
    It can extend from the mastectomy or lumpectomy or even the drain scar down the arm to the wrist. It is painful and can sometimes recur. The pain of cording can settle in a few weeks or can last for months
  • Some physical therapists say that the cords can be stretched or massaged and that this can lead to an immediate improvement in range of motion and a decrease in pain. Some women say that massage is too painful to tolerate
  • Cording is probably due to changes in the arm’s lymph vessels and can appear six to eight weeks following surgery or even months afterwards.
  • Cording usually gets better spontaneously, though you may need physiotherapy to stretch the cords and some doctors may give you antibiotics as treatment.

I actually enjoyed the pain associated with the physio. It was more later in the day that I felt a little bit uncomfortable. That could also be the fact that I tripped up the stairs at home and by natural instinct threw my hands to the floor to save myself, not realising that my hands are attached to my arms and that it pulled on the cording and caused horrible sharp intense pain!

I can also start massaging my scar which I have been wanting to do for a while now. I will be starting with some Bio Oil before I go to bed to really get rid of any keloid looking areas. There are some really chunky parts under my armpit that I am eager to get rid of.

Also started wearing my Berlei breast cancer bra with insert today. It felt weird because my chest is numb and I couldn’t feel it in certain areas so I felt like it was slipping higher than it should.

I received an awesome book from Lynz in the mail today. I read it from start to finish within about 2.5 hours. Its called ‘Why I wore lipstick to my mastectomy’. Its written by a girl who was diagnosed at the same age as me, she had similar cancer and treatments but less severe case than mine. A lot of it was inspiring as I could read about her chemo and things further than where I am at right now. Some of it was really scary and I cried. But, I’d rather be aware of what is ahead of me. Its strange to read someone elses perspective on the whole thing.

In saying this, I truely believe that I am really strong and I have definitely gone about this with the right attitude. I have been joking around a lot and the people around me at the time are shocked that I can even say such things. I’m glad I can be like this and I hope that the times that I am down I can think of these moments to cheer myself up.

Bed time. Its 2:35am and My nose is so stuffy that I cannot breathe.

Good night!

Sniffle sniffle…

Long weekend

So I guess you could say I have been a bit lazy the last few days with my blog, but no, I just don’t have a whole lot to say.

I haven’t seen any other doctors or anything, I feel like everything has come to a bit of a halt. Not sure if this is a good or bad thing? I feel like it has all been one big dream and almost forgotten what is reality. But once tuesday starts, its appointment after appointment again.

Rosa (Adam’s mum) took me to meditation on friday. It went well as usual, we did another one on one healing. It didn’t feel as effective as fast as it did on tuesday evening but today I can say that I am getting a bit more movement again. It feels like it stopped healing for a while.

Thursday evening I started back at the gym which felt amaaaaazing! Although I could only do leg work/treadmill, it still felt good getting my blood pumping and increasing circulation. I also went on friday and today so I am pretty proud of myself to beable to do so, 2 weeks after a big operation.

I am doing my physio work as constantly as I can without pushing it and still seeing results ever so slowly. But hey, any improvement is good. Been getting a bit frustrated every now and then and decided that not just panadol but also nurofen doesn’t help me. Mersyndol is the one! Thank you Scott.

Feeling like I am eating a lot, but I seem to be losing weight. I guess it is subconscious stress. I have also been going out and about (including the gym) in my normal clothing. I still can’t wear a bra as its too much pressure on the wound area and it is kinda obvious in public that I have one boob, but I just don’t care. People can think what they want. It won’t be too long till I can wear my bra with the prosthetic boobie anyway, hopefully by that time I can also shave my crazy forest looking armpit!

Long weekend