8/8!

I was awakened by a phone call from Concept around 10am Saturday morning with zillions of serious questions being asked. Basically yesterday my results with the fertilization of the eggs was that 7/8 were fertilized! We were really happy with that. Yet today I was informed that the last egg had been also fertilized just with cell splitting being a bit slower than the other eggs had. Five embryos were ‘coming along brilliantly’ whilst three were either slow or too fast. I had the choice to freeze them all today, or wait till tomorrow which gives a slightly higher chance of survival for the embryos once they are thawed and possibly help the other three that weren’t as great. This also meant I had the chance I could even lose them all. I also could of froze five and left the three till tomorrow or vice versa. Its actually pretty hard to explain and you can imagine I was laying in bed going ‘what the hell am I supposed to do?!’ Its great I had a say in what I wanted done, but I also thought it would of been easier for the embryologist to just tell me what they were going to do with them for the best outcome. I ain’t no scientist…  I told the lady I would like to speak with Adam and my mum first and let her know. We decided to freeze them all today with the highest amount saved and hope for the best. Mum spoke to her friend Jenny and she is a nurse who said definitely freeze them all now because you wouldn’t want to risk loosing them all as I only get one go at IVF.

Blessed with the company of Nicole and Lynz today. The two special ladies who have flown interestate to see me. With a lunch planned and the intensions of a bit of shopping after, my body didn’t seem to agree with these plans.

We had a short, shared lunch and decided to go to Priceline. After a couple of minutes I felt my abdomen and had a bad feeling. I was swelling, and it was happening fast. I spent all of yesterday resting and watching what I had left of the new season of Americas Next Top Model kindly lent to me by Clare. My abdomen was extremely bloated from pubic bone up and I had to lay on the couch with just undies on because any kind of track pants were even too restricting. I was huge! My right shoulder/back was still aching from the IV port surgery also and I felt like a big heap of shit. Anyway, whilst in Priceline, I called one of the coordination nurses from Concept and explained my symptoms and distress. The doctors orders were to go to KEED – King Edward Emergancy Department. (Women’s health hospital).

Adam accompanied me to the hospital and I was taken to a huge enclosed room that looked like a room where women are brought into urgently during labour. It kind of freaked me out. I was in this huge concealed room and every other patient in for emergency were in one big open room together separated by a thin curtain. I had urine tests, ultrasounds, laxatives, blood tests and everything else you can imagine. The doctor came in shortly after my urine test and sat down with us for what looked like an intimate chat.

Doctor – ‘Your urine test has shown positive results to be pregnant’.

Me – ‘….?’

Doctor – ‘These tests are very accurate yet we will also do a blood test to confirm it. I am sorry’.

Adam and I – ‘Thats impossible!? what?! no…..?! NOOO!’

I furiously BURST into tears. How is this possible? What did I do wrong? I have been so careful and only had intercourse once in fuck knows how long?! a month?! I start chemo in a week!? I’m killing my own child…I just had IVF…?!

These were the questions and confusions plus other shit going on in my head, how is this even possible? Who has put all these negative horrible vibes my way to be so unlucky. Does this mean I have to have another operation? An abortion? A second time? This is not human. I hate my life.

Adam embraced me as I broke down into a shit heap on the crappy paper towel covered birth bed. I just wanted to die. Adam refused to believe it was true. He was baffled and was saying isn’t this impossible? Rach has had her vaginal ultrasounds every second day for the past two weeks and no one picked this up? She’s had blood tests every morning for two weeks… and they didn’t pick it up there either? AT A FERTILITY HOSPITAL!? Outrageous. Wouldn’t the hormones I was injecting for two weeks possibly come out in my urine to show pregnancy results?…

The doctor left the room after showing her remorse and subtle support. She soon returned and said ‘I am really sorry….. The trigger injection you had on wednesday to prepare you for your IVF procedure actually has played a part in these results. You are not pregnant. WELL THANK FUCK, Thanks doctor for ruining my scattered brain even more. Shouldn’t doctors be certain before they announce such news to a cancer patient? Or ANY patient? My emotions are screwed enough. Adam would of been a better doctor in this situation. Calm, supportive and looking for possible reasons why this was happening.

We were in emergency for 3 hours or so. We had a bit of fun too. We basically had the theatre room or what ever it was, to ourselves. We played with gloves and things and pretended to be doctors. It kept us amused and I guess took my mind off the tragic situation I had just gone through.

I was soon fine to go home, yet to rest. Not go out with the girls for Lynz’s last night in Perth as planned. I was devastated but also knew I really shouldn’t of been going out anyway after having two operations two days before. The outcome was that yes my abdomen was extremely enlarged. I looked like I had gone in to give birth. My kidneys were fine, ovaries were very enlarged and swollen causing back pain and horrible discomfort also from the excessive fluids in each side.

Thats all I can remember right now. Its dinner time. Peace!

8/8!

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