A new friend

So the toilet has become a very good friend of mine as of the past couple of days.

I have been experiencing the most intense stomach pains. Like knives and hooks inside my stomach. Its kept me up in the night and caused me a lot of discomfort. Today I also woke up with a breakout on my skin. lots of tiny pustules. I think the toxins are taking over my body. The worst part of this morning was waking up and realising I had no taste in my mouth. I went to the bathroom mirror and had several white ulcers on my lip and when I pulled it down there was lots of tiny ones inside. My tongue feels rough, dry and a sensation simulating when you burn it on a hot cup of tea. That numb rough burnt texture. Well, mines there all over my mouth – I cannot taste anything. Adam gave me a Roc Candy lolly which are usually so sweet and yummy – no taste.. I gargled some minty mouthwash which usually stings… nothing! I hope they don’t permanently stay like this. I love food!

I am still eagerly awaiting some hair loss. I am 90% sure I am losing eyebrow hair. They look like they have thinned out and even last night Adam and I noticed the front sides of my hair look like they might have started to shed. Maybe we are just over analysing things, who knows.

Tuesday evening I went back to the gym for the first time since chemo. I started my usual regime and I bombed out pretty fast. My energy levels were so low I had to chill out for a bit. The most I can really do is a very slow speed on the treadmill with a slight incline. 20 minutes was plenty. I am going to start going to some yoga/body balance or pilates classes which the gym provides instead I think. At least it will help my mind too.

Went to collect my free boost juice today (from my members card). Pretty exciting event for me. Also to do some grocery shopping with mum and Jess’s help. I went to the mall wearing sunglasses on the whole time because my skin and eyes looked terrible. We stopped into ‘Bra’s & Things’ shortly for mum and Jess to have a quick look and I went into a bit of a trance and welled up in tears whilst staring at a really pretty corset and underwear combination. I used to buy them regularly and wear them to bed sometimes. All I could think was.. ‘wow….I won’t be doing that for a while.’ and ‘girls really don’t realise how lucky they are until its too late.’ I felt really sorry for myself and sad that I couldn’t pull off wearing anything sexy for a long time. Right then and there I would of given anything to feel pretty. I had to leave the store, so I walked out with my back against the store wall waiting for mum and Jess to soon notice I had disappeared. Sunglasses still on, I stood there feeling frail and over life. I feel kinda terrible writing this, because I didn’t actually tell either mum or Jess I felt this way, but I also didn’t have the energy to bother talking about it and complaining. Mum came out soon after making sure I was okay and we soon left to get the groceries. * To mum and Jess – If you are reading this please don’t feel bad! I am just expressing how I felt and I know you both would of been amazing if I had told you I felt upset. ❤

On the way home in mums car I felt like my tongue was getting worse. I pulled down the visor mirror infront of me and noticed my mouth was super swollen and my tongue was coated in a very, very thick white fluffy looking substance. Ulcers were present and looking a bit raw and dry. I had a sick feeling that I had oral thrush. I called the hospital and was told to go to my GP immediately. I got in within the hour and found out yes, I had oral thrush. GROSS!? So I also got some cream for my acne too whilst there. My thrush medication is actually pretty nice. Its a sweet cherry flavored liquid. Hopefully it subsides within a couple of days or I have to go back for something stronger.

No more kisses for rachi! 😦

A new friend

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