Sleepy baby

So I haven’t updated since the early hours of saturday morning.

I went out friday night with Emma and Jess for a couple of hours. It was nice to get out of the house for a bit and see some familiar faces.

The next day we didn’t do too much. Went to the gym in the afternoon for the first time in a while. A familiar lady was working in the gym and commented how nice I looked in a bandana, but didn’t realise I had no hair as she continued with ‘its a great idea to wear one to the gym or even if your having a bad hair day! You can just throw your hair up and tie it up over greasy or messy hair!’ I just smirked and agreed. I went to the bathroom and when I came back in Adam and the lady were looking at me, she had asked Adam if I was feeling okay today because I looked pale. Adam told her I was going through chemotherapy and she was in a lot of shock and saying sorry, sorry! I didn’t realise you had lost your hair you look so normal.. Its good to know people think I look normal, I don’t want to look sick and have people looking at me like I think they already are. She has offered a free personal training session with her next week to show me some good exercises to get into whilst having chemo and being less energetic to my usual workout that she sees me doing.

Saturday night we went to Megan’s 30th. I dressed up and wore my wig and no one even noticed until I hid around the corner to slide it off and have a scratch at my scalp. Megan and Ryan got a bit of a shock to see no hair under there! I was a bit cheeky and had four slushie cocktails and ended up drunk and feeling a bit off whilst having to sit inside on a couch with Adam. I was a bit concerned on how I felt and regretted having so many.

Megan gave me this little book/pamphlet her friend wrote called ‘The funny side to Cancer’ I read it on Sunday morning in about an hour and it was pretty much my view on having cancer so it was nice to read someone else who dealt with things like I do and have a funny side to things and staying positive. It was a really good read!

Sunday I was exhausted. I felt nauseas all day – obviously part of the reason was due to the drinks last night and just feeling crap in general. We got a boost juice and set up my diana F+ camera to take out for a bit of a play, but didn’t stay out too long. I had to go home and sleep.

I pretty much slept all sunday and monday. Today is now Tuesday and I had an amazing sleep last night to top off my resting period and I feel a lot better. Last night I was resting on the couch and felt the urge to get a hug from Adam who was upstairs. I came up and called out to him on the computer and just burst into tears. I felt so depressed, tired, worthless and just stagnant. He was so supportive and sat me on his lap telling me it was going to be fine and it was normal to feel how I felt. We lay down on our bed and he gave me a good chat and said he was going to take me for an icecream and a drive even though it was 11pm. He is so good at cheering me up, he knows exactly how to make me smile.

Jess leaves on Friday this week…. I am feeling sad already.

Sleepy baby

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