A taste of paradise

Today is day 5 of cycle 4.

I haven’t been updating as much as usual due to last friday’s chemo session throwing me out harder than you can imagine..

Day 3-4 have been the worst. My body felt like it was going to give up, so did my head. I have had all my usual symptoms for the first week happen just they have been doubled. A new symptom I have picked up is my forearms, from elbows to fingertips are in excruciating pain, both bone and muscle. For about 3 days I was struggling to clench my hands into fists. The pain just shoots up and down that particular area non stop all day. Pain killers for this are worthless. My nausea has been pretty bad, causing me to sleep in bed all day saturday, sunday in and out of bed all day, monday also in and out of bed all day and tuesday till about 2pm. I cannot believe its even possible to be sleeping this much!? AND I am still tired… Its hell having a 2-storey house because half the time I need to go up, Adam has to walk up behind me and boost me up the stairs pushing his hands on my butt. Walking even around the house has been hard. I have zero energy – for example, getting up to the kitchen and washing a couple of dishes = me standing with my elbows on the bench, hunched over the sink breathing heavily because my own body weight is too much for me to stand up with. My legs are like jelly every time I get up and feel like they are going to give way after walking 10 steps.

Today mum came and picked me up to go back to her amazing new penthouse apartment in South Beach. I wanted to leave my home and give Adam some space and also have a change of scenery. Its depressing waking up late everyday and doing nothing but watching Foxtel and sleeping. Yes, depressing. All those times when I have been at work and wanted to just be at home watching tv on the couch… No way!

It was so beautiful, relaxing and refreshing being at the penthouse, I took my camera down and just lay on the couch on the balcony with a can of Lemonade whilst watching the waves crash on the sand of mums front view. It was so surreal, I was really at peace and I think I will have to come down a lot more. We cooked a delicious banana cake (well, mum did most of it because I was so lethargic) and shared a nice salmon salad for tea. After dinner mum took me down for a short walk along the beach front for fresh air and just a stroll in general before my legs started to go wobbly again.

The View

Cake baking

I made a call to my Oncologist this afternoon due to these harsh side effects and she was a little bit worried. I have to go to the hospital tomorrow for a full blood count again to make sure I am not Anaemic and also sort out a scan to have to check if I have blood clots in my lungs. Sounds pretty gnarly. I am hoping I do not have Anaemia or I will probably be having that blood transfusion. I also need to start back on my steroid medication which is unusual as I only take that the day before chemo, day of chemo and day after chemo. She says it may help and some people just react to coming on and off them. My weight was down again today too at 50kgs so she will probably be telling me to go gain as many calories as possible – Isn’t it weird someone telling you to GAIN calories? I am trying to enjoy it while I can.

I had a surprise phone call this afternoon too, from Mardi. She is the lady who does my healing at meditation. Its actually quite bizarre because I haven’t been there for a month or two and when I woke up today the first thing on my mind was ‘Ohhh I have two books to drop back to Mardi that I borrowed so long ago!’ – Confirmation connection? I think so. I was quite shocked to hear her voice on the other end of the phone. She called to see how I was going and just a brief chat. She told me she is still sending me lots of healing powers and thinking about me a lot. I will have to start going to meditation again when the sanctuary’s holiday break is over on the 14th of January.

There is a lady who goes to meditation that Mardi always told me about, I met her the last time I went to meditation actually. She has just been cleared of breast cancer and all her treatment is over. Mardi was telling me during our phone conversation that she now has hair about 2 and a half inches long which has grown back a bit darker than her natural hair colour before. This made me really excited because when I saw her, she was wearing a wig and didn’t have any hair under her wig. I guess it must grow back really fast! This lady is now back at work and living her life completely normal and happy again. So there is hope at the end of this dark, dark tunnel and I will find it.

I plan to visit the Solaris Center tomorrow whilst at the hospital to book in for another remedial massage. Adam gave me a bit of a neck rub the other night and I couldn’t believe the tension my neck and shoulders are holding. I had chills running up and down my spine because his touch felt so unreal.

Whilst talking with mum today, we remembered that I had been referred to the Genetic Services of WA to discuss my family history of cancer. Now this is going to be really, really intense and important. Although from what we know, breast cancer has no trace in my family, but thats not to say that my immediate family (mum and Jess) are not going to be affected. Also the fact that I am now the start of a generation of breast cancer. Some patients decide against having this appointment because it can cause lots of problems in their families and future families regarding insurance and money issues etc. Remember back on my first morning of chemo I had to have a blood test before any drugs entered my body? Well this is what that test was for.

I have this appointment next wednesday, 9th January. I am a little bit nervous but I feel that if theres anything I should know, I want to know now. I have to fill out several crazy forms like ‘family health portraits’ and patient registration forms so I am glad I looked at my schedule tonight to see when this appointment was or I would of been pretty stressed out next week.

My wrists and fingers are aching bad now. Goodnight.

A taste of paradise

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