Struggle town

Cycle 5 played tricks on me. Day 3, 4 & 5 are usually my really rough days and this time it was day 5, 6 and well, today is 7 and I am still feeling terrible. I was feeling fantastic up until tuesday – which was bad timing because it was Adams birthday.

Symptoms re-occuring have so far involved:

  • Chronic fatigue
  • Nausea
  • Bad bowel problems
  • Intense hot flushes
  • Metal tasting mouth
  • Oral thrush
  • Full body muscle aches
  • Full body bone aches
  • Nose bleeds
  • Depression
  • Loss of appetite
  • Weight loss
  • Headaches
  • Teeth pain
  • Insomnia
  • Stabbing feelings in my scar wounds

So you can imagine I haven’t been doing much at all. Sleeping/laying down pretty much 24/7.

I have noticed my hair on my head is about half a centimeter long now – like, you wouldn’t be able to see it unless you were up close to my head..but it is there. I don’t know why it hasn’t yet fallen out again. Maybe I am talking too soon, it will probably happen this weekend. The hair is very light and very soft like a baby elephant’s!

Over the past couple of weeks I have also noticed my eyebrows and eyelashes are still falling out. I hope that they don’t all of a sudden all come out after my last chemo. That would be a big shock and more to worry about trying to grow back and maintain nicely.

I had a phone call yesterday from the Oncology center in regards to Radiology starting soon. I have an appointment next wednesday to go in and be measured up for two little tattoos on my tumor site to mark where they need to be concentrating the radiation. I don’t really know what the tattoos look like, I think they are just two small dots so that I am in line perfectly each day for treatment. Here is some related pictures I came across..

So that is the kind of process I will be going through for radiotherapy. I will be attending this every day for 5 weeks (Mon-Fri). I hope the dots really are small, because I feel like my body is already covered in messy abnormal scars and marks now. The least I need now is two blue dots on my breast plate!

Adam brought up a good point the other day.. I had not even thought about it, but my appointment with my breast reconstruction surgeon on Valentine’s day, falls on a bad day for me. I will have to call up and push it back. Last chemo – Cycle 6 is on Feb 11th, so I will most probably be in the wars on the 14th! (day 4). So there goes my nice incentive for planning that appointment on love day…

So I haven’t really talked much about how my scars are going, in quite some time now. My mastectomy scar has faded from a dark reddish-purple to a dark pink I guess you would call it. It is still large and dark but its definitely fading within time. The skin fold at the end of the scar (armpit side) has reduced in size which I am really happy about. There was a big skin tag kinda thing about the size of a tube of pasta hanging out the back which now is the size of about a 5 cent piece cut in half. Its still really ugly but I’m very lucky to have it decreased in size. I was originally told ‘if you want it removed you will have to wait until you are next in surgery to have it nipped off’ – yeah….. ‘cos I just have so much surgery all time, you know……Blergh.

Secondly, my three other scars from the IV port are also fading but have struggled a lot with healing. Being a type one diabetic, your body takes much longer to heal than someone without diabetes. Also, it makes you more prone to infection. This applies for everything. Cuts, acne, scratches, bruises – anything.

This afternoon Adam took me out for a drive for some fresh air, change of scenery and to run a few errands. One of these errands was to go to the chemist and buy some Nilstat drops for my oral thrush. As we parked on the side of the street, I noticed down a laneway next to my side of the car, there was three men. They looked really rough, definitely junkies and yelling out weird things as they were stumbling towards us. I got a bit scared and said ‘awww Adam can I sit and wait till they walk away I’m scared!’ he said ‘don’t worry, I am coming into the chemist with you anyway’. So we got out of the car and by the time we got there, one of the guys was sitting on a chair outside the chemist. I kept my eyes on the ground and avoided eye contact yet he still spoke to us.. ‘heeeyyy mattteee, wonderin’ if you can help us? Me uncle down there (he was still stumbling up behind us) has hurt his eye real bad, like really f***** it up, can you help out with…..’ Adam cut him off, put his arm around my shoulders and said ‘my fiance here, has breast cancer. I am doing my best to help her before I help anyone else..’ The man stopped and said ‘Oooh… I’m sorry. I lost my mum to cancer.’ He genuinely went from being an annoying bloke to a calmer voice of sympathy. I hope his uncle is okay anyway. As I know, eye injuries aren’t much fun either!

I came to stay with mum & Jess as Adam had a shoot on tonight. We just finished watching a really sad movie – ‘My Sister’s Keeper’. Shit. This movie was so sad, most would say – probably not something appropriate for me in general to watch, but I like movies that have a strong reaction on me. They make me feel more human when I have such great emotions involved.

The movie is about a family of a mum, dad, brother and two sisters. Anna (youngest daughter) looks to earn medical emancipation from her parents who until now have relied on their youngest child to help their leukemia-stricken daughter Kate remain alive. There is so many parts I can relate to in the film – emotions, side effects, feeling ugly, worthless, but also good parts too. Its crazy to watch something so full on and understand every part of it. Medically and emotionally understanding it all. The way the family is so stressed and has so much to go through to look after their little girl is so heart touching. Its realistic and shows a side of coping with the sickness that nobody could imagine unless they had been through some form of it themselves. I had a steady flow of tears sitting in my eyes through most of the movie but didn’t let myself breakdown in tears or I wouldn’t of been able to stop. If anyone is up for a sad movie, definitely get this one.

Goodnight. x

Struggle town

One thought on “Struggle town

  1. Julia says:

    My friend Bunny just finished her masters in Radiooncology and she had to do a lot of the tattooing. apparently it’s not the same as tattoo’s as such and it is really tiny. just so they can get the right spot everytime. Another good movie u might like is called the last wish. medicinal pot is in it too. Ur very brave x

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