After updating you all on the appearance of my scars yesterday, I thought I would give you a sneak peak on what they look like. Its just an imac web cam shot (most of my images are just off my phone or computer because I am too lazy to use my good camera and its hard to take photos of myself that way!) but yeah, it shows my mastectomy scar and my IV port scar, the other two lil scars above the IV port one aren’t in the shot, but they are literally just like spots. Also, I have noticed since my last blood test I am now allergic to adhesive tape on my skin. You can see this on my arm – there is a big, red, itchy, risen rash on the inside of my elbow. Its actually driving me insane in this 38 degree heat!
So as I have titled this blog entry ‘WARNING UPON VIEWING’ – this is why. If it is too much for you or it is going to offend you, please just don’t scroll downwards! 🙂
These web cam shots are terrible for resolution, but you get the idea. I’m not going to make a photo shoot out of it am I?!
I had a shitty sleep last night at mums place unfortunately. I even took my anti-nausea that always puts me to sleep really well, but it didn’t work this time. I woke up this morning feeling awful, like.. really really bad. I was really upset that I hadn’t improved over night and feeling very frustated with everything. I was literally moaning and groaning on the couch with tears in my eyes with my stomach in knots. I also woke up looking pale, sunken dark eyes and also with a nasty mouth blister/ulcer on my bottom lip. Its very painful and I have been using salt water and mouth wash to try get rid of it, might have to get out the vegemite – thats always something I have used for ulcers that actually works! My mouth is also in the state of what I call ‘chemo mouth’. All week it has been getting worse and worse. I have that burnt sensation inside my whole mouth, it makes everything I eat and drink taste like rotten iron or some kind of disgusting metal flavour. Its also very dry and feels like I have big wads of cotton wool shoved down my throat. The oral thrush is subsiding thanks to the Nilstat, so I hope it all passes really soon so I can enjoy my food and drinks!
Around midday, mum and Jess took me to get a coffee and Adam came to meet up with us to take me back home. When he arrived, mum was in shock at how hugeee the smile on my face was and said ‘Adam!!!! She has the biggest smile on her face, I can’t believe it! This is the first time she has smiled ALL day’, I was sooooo happy to see him and I actually started crying. It was kind of embarrassing because I already had so many people in the coffee shop glancing at me a million times (I think because I was wearing my bandana, no wig) so I smooshed my face into his chest whilst I cried. I am such a big baby. But it was just so good to see him.. It made me realise how much he really means to me and how grateful I am to have him here for me every step throughout this crappy time.
After getting home I felt much, much better and I think I am now on the upside of cycle #5. This is the best feeling ever. I feel like I could even go out for a little bit tonight and see some friends. I haven’t caught up with anyone in weeks and am having withdrawls on a fair few people.
OH! before I forget….
This goes out to everyone who has very thoughtfully sent me either an email, facebook message, text message or any other kind of contact.. I am getting a lot of love, so if I am taking/have taken a long time to get back to you, please don’t think I am ignoring you! I thankfully have a lot of loving friends and family and will get back to you all when I am up to it or can find some time to string some words together other than keeping this blog up. My head can get pretty hazy. I have had a couple of things get back to me where people think they have said the wrong thing because I haven’t replied yet but I promise that is not the case. Big love from me.
I will let you know how I go later, tomorrow 🙂