Things are feeling overwhelmed this week. Not that that’s anything new as most days are overwhelming and tiring even when there isn’t much on. I think its time to start planning a little get away for Adam and I, even if its just a trip down south. Some space and a break from normality and a different scenery for a few days. I think I will start looking into this on the weekend..
Radiotherapy is pretty breezy, I am literally in there for 15 minutes or so and before I know it I am walking out to the car to go back home. Yesterday I fell asleep in the waiting room, I was so exhausted. Mum was gently rubbing my back so I think that had a lot to do with drifting off to sleep – especially in public whilst sitting up!? I remember (before falling asleep) there was a married couple across from us. I couldn’t work out which one had cancer as they both looked happy well and healthy. I awoke from my sleep from a nice lady gently taking my hand and whispering ‘Rachel, you can come through now.. Are you okay? I am sorry to disturb you.’ I was so embarrassed when I woke up as everyone was looking at me kinda of smirking. I guess of all people, the patients in this waiting room understood how fatigued I felt and they probably were envying the fact I got a bit of sleepy time and they didn’t! Once I was done and back at the waiting room to get mum, she was talking to the man of the married couple. Straight away I realised it was his wife that was the one effected by cancer. Mum introduced me to the man and we had a quick chat. Turns out, that his wife also has breast cancer AND she is a diabetes educator! Fancy that. They had asked mum if she was alright after I was taken through to have treatment as she felt (and obviously looked) a bit sad once the receptionist awoke me from my sleep and I walked off. I hope to see this couple again, I am sure I will because everyone having radiotherapy has similar treatment time frames.
I noticed the waiting room has heaaaps of gossip magazines. Most waiting rooms do, but this place has them at several different corners of the building scattered across every table in sight. I was tempted today to pick one up and have a browse, but I couldn’t choose one. As my eyes gazed across each cover visible, they all had headings like… ‘100 new ways to style your hair!’ ‘Long or short? How can you wear your hair?’ ‘Healthy treatments to help strengthen your hair’ etc… Each one I read pissed me off so I sat with nothing and stared at the wall. Its funny how sometimes I act like a grumpy child towards things, then other times I just don’t care. I guess its all part of it!
Another thing that has been happening during radiotherapy is when I lay down on my back and get in position, the radiotherapists have to twist my torso around into position whilst the other person measures me to line me up with all the red lazer lines that are lit up in several different directions around the room once the lights are turned off. I have to lay like a heavy weight and let them push and shove me around till its all in line which is a pretty strange feeling. Everyday so far, someone has said something along the lines of ‘you are so dainty’, ‘there isn’t much of you’, ‘your body is so springy! every time I move you, you spring straight back into the same spot’…. Well, I figured maybe because I am younger than the 45-90 year olds that usually come in here! I have been kinda hoping to meet someone around my age in the waiting room that I can chat to, talk about our experiences or just in general make friends with someone that is in a similar position to me. Maybe over the next four weeks I will, or maybe I won’t. Even if it was a child, I’d love to chat to them and make some kind of connection.
I was thinking last night, I wonder if people wonder why sometimes I look really pale, and other times I look really tanned – in photos. If you are wondering.. I get spray tans once a week. I always have done this – for at least 10 years now. You may ask – Isn’t that bad for a cancer patient? Don’t they have chemicals? Not the one I use. It is ‘Paraben Free’ and completely made of natural products. When I was first diagnosed with cancer I researched it a lot to make sure it was okay to use. I also asked my Oncologist – she said it was fine. I then asked a lady who is very experienced in spray tanning products and she said it was fine as she actually volunteers for beauty treatments and spray tanning for the cancer foundation. So I felt comfortable continuing with having them done. I am lucky that my mum has a spray tan machine herself so I have them done at her house and don’t have to go to a salon and be embarrassed about exposing my one breast to the person who has me as a client. Anyway, I get them because I want to. At the moment its the only thing that helps me look like I have a healthy glow (and make up!). When I am pale – I really do look sick and I want to avoid seeing myself like that.
Today I had an email from Breast Care WA stating that the first newsletter for 2011 is now out and they gave me a link for the website. They also mail these out so I will be receiveing one in the mail soon. Check it out at: http://www.breastcancer.org.au/sites/breastcancerorgau/assets/public/File/Spirit%20March%202011.pdf
There are 2 photos that I am in (bald), they are ones I posted up a while ago from Pamper Day. There is also a mini interview kinda thing with me to the right hand side of the page. (All on page 4). Enjoy.
A large envelope arrived on my doorstep this morning (thanks to Gem for bringing it in for me!) It was my big portrait photograph that was taken the day of Pamper Day through Breast Care WA. See below…
Also a big thank you to MJ my friend from Adelaide who is living in California at the moment (well, has been for a while now!) She wrote me a beautiful letter which arrived in the mail today.
Another biiig thank you to my mum who bought Adam and I the most amazing picture to hang in our house. It has hand made origami butterfly’s inside the frame with a japanese print behind it of the hiragana, katakana and kanji alphabet. Also an awesome japanese card with a lovely message inside.
That is all for today, I am looking forward to tomorrow evening which I will be spending with Vinka, Crystal and Bobby-Rae for dinner then Rihanna! xo