Back to square ONE!

Last night I picked Lynz up from the airport, yes she is back in Perth again for a little while! Ofcourse, it was unreal to see her again and I am happy to have her back in my city!

As I got into bed last night I thought… ‘Hrmm, I want to take some Valium, but I shouldn’t unless I realllllly need to.’ So I was trying for about an hour and I was just so restless being hot and cold every few minutes so I just took some and was asleep within 20 minutes. Definitely one of the best sleeps I have had in a long, long time. I woke up at 12:40 just in time for my 1:40 radiotherapy appointment. When I got out of the shower I had the most terrible throbbing headache. Every step I took to get down stairs was a thumping pain in my head. Panadol didn’t help and either did the massive exhaustion I felt once I had fully woken up. Here we go again… Chronic fatigue has yet again, come to an arrival.

Radiotherapy was funny today, the people are always so, so lovely. They made me feel better and cheered me up with telling me it was all fine and before I knew it would all be over. One girl said ‘Oh, on this form they have called you MRS’ I laughed and said well……. I’m definitely not a MRS yet! The other man said ‘Thats right you are engaged.. soooo… what the new surname going to be?!’ At that second it reality struck me that I was engaged and I got this big wave of happiness thinking of Adam. Not to say I haven’t been happy and excited since he proposed to me, but this was a real burst of  ‘i’m going to be better soon and feel normal and be doing better things, enjoying my life…’

Next I had to see my Oncologist at 2:15. Its always a long wait – around an hour to get seen so mum got us a coffee whilst waiting and I overheard a lady next to us saying she needed a mint because she thought she had bad breath. I offered her one of the 4 packs of mint gums I had in my handbag and we got chatting. She was so lovely and was seeing the same Oncologist as me for the first time in 11 months! She was there for a check up after having Vulva cancer which she had chemo and radiotherapy for… and unfortunately, they had picked up breast cancer towards the end of her treatment. So once she had been fixed for the first cancer, she was straight back into chemo and radio again. WHAT THE HELL!? This is the cruelest, meanest, horrible world. Why do these things happen? Its just not fair.. and always to people who definitely do NOT deserve it.. I guess it strikes the strongest of people. People who deserve the chance to live their lives to the fullest and be happy forever. That about all I can cull it down to.

It was about this time that I realised I had forgotten to get my full blood test two hours prior seeing my oncologist! SHIT! I had never forgotten!? What the hell is wrong with me. I have been so blasé (<— is that even the right word to use?) about things lately. It probably comes across that I am dumb or uninterested in conversations or just forgetful? Maybe its my foggy chemo brain still there or my tired head trying to keep up with daily routines. This isn’t the normal me! But anyway, I had forgotten to have my bloods so I had to go urgently have them done before I had chemo which was scheduled for 3:30 after seeing my oncologist.

First question my oncologist asked (same first question as 3 weeks ago) was ‘so I am guessing you have got your period back now?!’ Nope…. Not even a sign of it returning. I am kind of scared I am going to be stuck in pre-menopause for the rest of my life. This isn’t fair. Who would of ever thought I would be WISHING for my period to come! Its one of those things girls despise having. Well on the up side, I am glad I had IVF or I would be pretty freaked out at this point of time. So I am now referred to go to some Menopause Clinic for some options. Either drugs to help my bad side effects or promote my period to come back or something. Who knows. The bills are pouring in still, even higher than they were before as Radiotherapy costs are huge. More specialists just means more money and more complications. Lets hope something good comes out of it!

After that appointment next was my 30 min session of chemo. I got there at 3:30 on the dot but I had to wait till 5:15 before I was called through! Apparently they had a chemo drug leak/spill ofcourse it took a long time to clear the area because the drugs are insanely toxic. I’d say every staff member would of been involved in helping clean it up. Adam met me in there and I was done just before 6:30. Such a long afternoon of hospital crap. Luckily all the staff are so nice everywhere I go, so it helps make my stay not so nasty.

Here is a photo of me from chemo today showing my fantastic hair growth…….. 🙂

Jus Chillin'

When I got home this evening I had a look at my chest and noticed my redness had pretty much doubled since yesterday and was even itchy with a couple of tiny blisters. Oh dear! I filled up the bath with luke warm water and submerged myself in some ‘Flare-Up Oil’ which QV make. It really worked, the redness died down a bit and was less irritated. I think I will have to do this a couple of times a week as I still have another two and a half weeks ontop of now to go. 😦

I have also noticed that I haven’t been getting up in the middle of the night to wee so much lately, I think this must mean my kidneys now have less pressure on them post chemo which is awesome. Its so annoying waking up with a full bladder several times early in the morning!

Tonight I emailed one of my old lecturers from TAFE. She was someone I always bonded very well with. I was told by a fellow student around early august 2010 that she had been diagnosed with breast cancer. I was so devastated, I can clearly remember talking about how horrible the news was. Funnily enough I ended up being diagnosed a couple of weeks after. I have been wanting to chat to her or go visit her and I did actually call up TAFE last year seeing if she was around or where she was to contact and all the lady could tell me was to try her old email. I didn’t really feel right emailing her at that time and tonight I thought of her and decided it was time. I hope to hear back from her and maybe we can catch up for coffee and chat.

I almost forgot, I went to the dentist on wednesday. Throughout chemo I was told to take extra care of my mouth. Its prone to infections, bad ulcers, the oral thrush which I had a few times, gum problems etc. I had to wash my mouth with salt water every time I ate something, I wasn’t allowed to floss nor could I use any mouthwashes that contained alcohol. (which is most..) I was pretty scared to go to the dentist to be honest because post chemo can cause big problems. Thankfully, my mouth was in good condition and same with my teeth! The lady was saying I was very lucky as lots of people end up with gum disease and gum pockets or something which are not good. My mouth was so sore after she gave me a good clean up as my gums were still extremely sensitive and she kept over flossing/poking metal things inside my poor mouth. Next up is re-doing a filling net week, then all four wisdom teeth out. I can remember the last time I went to the dentist round abouts July last year when I was having problems with carpel tunnel and trigger thumb (which is now playing up again and I need surgery on my thumb…) they said to me ‘you need these wisdom teeth out very soon, but your thumb is priority right now so as soon as thats fixed we will take them all out!’

Too bad after my thumb, I got cancer. Sorry teeth – I promise you will be free soon!

Back to square ONE!

2 thoughts on “Back to square ONE!

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