Eyes like waterfalls

Today I had an appointment with the doctor who was in charge of my radiotherapy treatments. She is possibly the nicest professional who I have come across through my whole experience with breast cancer.

Firstly, she called me into her room whilst looking at my hair in shock. As we sat down she said ‘WOW look at your hair! You have set a record within my patients! The amount of hair you have at the moment is usually what someone would have after finishing chemo for six months.. (I finished my hair loss chemo drugs Carboplatin and Docetaxel three months ago as of this week) I was so happy! I suppose all my home remedies of massaging, special oils and vitamins have REALLY worked?!

Next she took me through to another room where I had to remove my top and show her my scar and where radiation treatment took place. Again, she gasped and said I had healed so well it was a miracle. No stretched, tightened, warped skin. Which does happen often after a harsh course of radiation. All I had to show was a big tan line which will obviously fade within time.

We sat back down and talked in general about life and what I am up to lately with treatment and appointments. I told her about my heart scans, chemo next week (3wkly basis till october), my reconstruction in november this year and also my problems with my trigger thumbs. She asked to have a look at my thumbs and actually knew the pain I was going through as she used to work with hand ligament surgery – or something like that? She continued to tell me to take my time with looking for a job because I have too much ahead of me to be concerned about. As much as I am dying to start working again and get on with my life I do feel like I would be rushing things a bit if I did. So ‘Rachi’ time out now continues.

I asked her about ‘what happens next’ once chemo is over and my reconstuction is complete. I knew that for the rest of my life I would be having tests and checks. Only after my 5 year clearance I will be able to genuinely say ‘I AM CURED’ as the first five years will be the most full on, after that the amounts of testing and checking will lessen. Though I had not taken into consideration that once I have my other breast removed and both reconstructed, I will actually NO LONGER have ANY breast tissue left in my body. Meaning, I will never have to have a mammogram again! That was amazing to hear because they really, really hurt – sorry to scare all you girls out there! But for me, its going to be such a big weight off my shoulders knowing I will never have breast cancer again. ūüôā

After having a really lovely chat, the appointment came to an end by her saying.. ‘well Rachel, you know.. Medically, you and I are finished! There isn’t much more we need to do with you here, most patients need a few follow up appointments with me but you have done so well and looked after yourself in all the right ways. You are more than welcome to come chat with me ANY time if you feel you need to but for now, that is it!’ I was actually speechless. I had so many thoughts running through my head. I could not believe that part of my treatment was completely over?! We both stood up to walk to the door and she said ‘Well good luck and it was so wonderful to meet you!’ It was at that time I just burst into tears, I was shaking and uncontrollably crying with happiness yet also sadness. She gave me a really genuine hug and I continuously thanked her over and over again. When I left the room every patient in site was glancing at me – I think they must of thought I had been given really bad news! I continued to cry as I drove all the whole way home. Even now, I feel sad that I won’t be going back there? Yet so happy I have achieved another milestone closer to complete recovery. Its such a strange vacant feeling inside me right now. I am sure time will heal everything, it always does.

Changing the subject now, on saturday I was on duty of looking after Sunny. My best friend Emma’s 14 year old Samoyed. Arthritis, diabetes, blind and deaf. Poor Sunny, he didn’t look too good at all both times I came to feed him. Anyway, this week Sunny was put down. My love goes out to Emma and Kristie for the special boy and I can only imagine how sad it must be for them. I did a good deed today and got some really pretty bright yellow flowers delivered to Emma at work today to cheer her up as she’s had a really rough week. I chose yellow because it reminded me of bright sunshine, which also represented ‘Sunny’ himself. I am way into doing good deeds these days and cheering people up. It all comes with my¬†positive¬†thinking and I hope one day everyone can experience how good that feels!

R.I.P Sunny - Photo by Kristie

It is also my dads birthday. He turned 67 today. To get technical, this means he is¬†24471¬†days old.¬†That’s also 3495 weeks and 6 days. (I’m sure you all really needed to know that) Anyway, Dad’s girlfriend Julie has organised a really special surprise celebration dinner at his house tonight and invited some of his close friends and our family. I am so excited to see the look on his face! He deserves this more than anyone in the entire world. I hope to get some photos so I can post some this week.

So yeah, today I am feeling very proud of myself and I will have a lot more of this feeling to come. I am literally feeling on top of the world baby!

Eyes like waterfalls

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