Adam, Scott & I flew back home to Perth from Bali on friday afternoon. Our flight was a little bit delayed which lead us to arrive back home for 7:45pm. Little did we know that around 7:30pm a huge storm had brewed up in Perth and we were in the heat of it as our plane was lowering for landing. WOW. It was the scariest turbulence I have ever experienced. It was like being on a rollercoaster with scary noises as if the plane wasn’t going to make it. In the meantime, Adam was sitting towards the back of the plane and I was at the window seat next to Scott in the emergency exit. I was trying not to think about the plane crashing whilst I was the closest to an exit but I was seriously struggling! I pulled my hoodie over my head and put my hands over my eyes to try not think about it. I’m pretty sure Scott was laughing at how silly I was being!
Apart from that, Bali was amazing. I had my doubt before we went but it was a great chance to just relax and enjoy good company. Our villa was unreal.. We had a private pool, which was joint to an open kitchen and our own bathrooms which were outdoors, so you felt like you were showering in the jungle. With frogs!
It was so great to see Adam after him being away from home for two weeks. He came to pick us up with a driver, from the airport. As soon as I saw him in the distance I looked at Scott and he said ‘you go get him..’ so I left my luggage with him and ran across the road to greet Adam with a huge hug. I was smiling so hard I think the cracks in the sides of my lips (I will explain this in a second) doubled in size.
Not long after Adam left for Thailand, I woke up one morning and the sides of my mouth were split and sore. No, not coldsores.. I don’t get those, but since I was a child I always had really sensitive lips in the cold weather. Badly chapped and red. Thanks winter! I STILL have them and am literally lathering them in Carmex & Blistex many times a day to try re-hydrate them. I keep putting off going to the doctor because I am sick of going. Although, I do think I have a broken toe from play fighting under water with Adam in Bali. Bigger things are happening this week, so I am going to have to put it off till next week.
I saw my hand specialist yesterday afternoon at the hospital – actually with three other doctors who also decided to come in for the appointment (thanks guys) I kind of grinned and said ‘oh kewl, its like a little party in here’ no one laughed though. I was there to get the results for my painful hands. I have mild damage from being a diabetic to my nerves where they are have a slower reaction than normal which has been the biggest issue with what is going on. The other issues like chemotherapy drugs, hypothyroidism and probably the fact that I used to be a body masseur for a few years and from drawing/graphic design work. He said he can operate on my hands by releasing the A1 pulleys in both thumbs (some kind of sheath or something attached to the bone/tendon that allows the thumb to move back and forth – mine is fixated and extremely painful). I have agreed to have both left and right sides released this thursday. Its a day surgery so I shouldn’t have to stay overnight. The actual op only takes 15 minutes and my specialist has said he has a second surgeon that will stitch up the first hand as soon as that one is done, then the other as soon as that is done. The idea is to get me in and out of surgery as soon as possible because it limit the complications with both diabetes and the fact that they have to open up my left side. Why? Because of the risk of lymphedema, remember? A life time contra-indication for my left arm. Anything that is going to interact with my lymph nodes can cause issues. All thanks to having breast cancer. My specialist also took a moment to chat to me about how ‘remarkable’ I was. Not just because what I had been through but for where I ‘am’ right now in my headspace and how it will impact the rest of my life. He said its not until you go through something like I have myself till your on another level than the rest of the world and no one will EVER understand that, not even family. It was pretty crazy, I felt really good about myself after leaving that room.
Today whilst I was showering I had a few thoughts running through my head about the procedure of going to hospital for surgery and all the steps you go through before you get knocked out with general anesthetic. It brought me all the way back to the little bed in the tiny room I was in before my mastectomy. I was laying down with my hair in a disposable shower cap and a huge op gown. Adam, mum and dad were all in this tiny room with me keeping my mind off things whilst chatting to me before the lady came in to wheel me into surgery to have my breast removed. I didn’t write about this at the time I went through it but it was a pretty intense moment lying there knowing I was going to wake up to having only one breast.
Life is so challenging.