Silence!

So last saturday was the night of ‘The Pink Gig.’ I arrived with mum, Jess, Rosa (my future mother in law) and Casey. I was pretty overwhelmed when I got there to see so many happy, supportive people. Both females and males! I was wondering why I did not feel at all nervous. I guess the fact that I was going to be talking about something I knew so well, about myself.

Around 9pm Terry, our Mc for the night (from big brother) was calling my name out, I was shocked and left my friends to go up towards the stage. I had to whisper to him ‘is it possible to get a mic stand?!’ as I had my speech loaded onto Adam’s iPad to read from. Soon enough I ended up standing on the stage, which felt a little strange because everyone was standing on the carpet AFTER the dance floor! I guess this was good because I couldn’t really make eye contact with any one. I usually laugh or giggle in stressful or serious situations, I have always done this and its not a good trait to have!

I still was not nervous being up there in front of 400 people. Though, I suppose the fact that I made a few mistakes whilst talking and the pace of my voice shows I had a whole heap of adrenaline running through my body infront of this big crowd!  It was unbelievable that I was able to instantly silence the room.  You could literally hear a pin drop. There was a lot of sniffling going on and some tears shed.

A huge thanks to my mum and Casey for doing these videos on their iPhones. This one is Casey’s version as mum’s ended up filming sideways which is a shame because she had the very first part of when I was called up, filmed also.Unfortunately, wordpress now charges you $59.95 a year for uploading videos so I have uploaded it to youtube instead. Here we go!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cB4pHVMzkAs

The response I had once I came down off the stage was pretty incredible. I had people coming up to me for the rest of the night saying wonderful things to me and so many males sharing special stories with me. Some of them attend the fundraising events every year as they have lost their wives to breast cancer or have been through cancer themselves.

Thanks to Fiona and Ange for giving me the opportunity to even do this. I felt good getting my story heard and look forward to doing it again! Thanks also to Alex for taking these photos on the night. Here are a couple.

Terry & I, pre-speech
Speech time
The wonderful girls.. xox
Jess, me & mumma
Mumma Bear

I had some good news from someone on the night which I will discuss more later when I know, but on the same note, I had a phone call from Deida at Breast Cancer Care WA – She looked after the pamper day I attended earlier this year. She heard about my inspirational speech and was moved by it. She has passed on my information to another fundraising group who have been doing their events for now, five years. I am now going to be doing another public speech on friday 30th September! I am so excited to once again, tell my story and improve my speaking skills. This is something I would really like to to more of as I feel like I am doing my bit to help with the awareness of Breast Cancer! If anyone knows anyone or anything that wants me to talk for anything, message me and I would be more than happy to help.

SO.. I turned 29 this week. Wow. I am now in my last year of my 20’s. I had a really, really crazy surprise on the morning of my birthday, I woke up and had my period. I was squealing with excitement! I assume this means my ovaries have recovered?! Does this mean I can have my OWN children!? can’t believe it. Everyday is amazing, I am getting through this long tough journey day by day and absolutely killing it! I have always been an extremely clucky girl, though I am even more so now! The other night when I was at mum’s house, she had a photo up on her pin up board. It was a polaroid picture of her in hospital holding me as a baby. She had it up because it had been my birthday week which I thought was really sweet. Its so crazy to think that at that time, my mum would of had no idea that her baby girl would end up having breast cancer.

19th September 1982

Back onto babies, I met up with my beautiful friend Louise and her gorgeous daughter Eliza. – She is about four months now and so  adorable! I felt so blessed cuddling her and thinking that one day I will too, be able to have my own lil baby and what a special baby he/she will be! Here is a photo of us from yesterday., I think my facial expression shows how ecstatic I was at the time 🙂

Cuddles!!!!

My birthday was wonderful. I don’t really like to celebrate my own birthday, maybe a small dinner with some family or close friends. But this year I just didn’t feel like it, plus it was a busy monday at work. At about 3:30 in the afternonon, the receptionist at work called my phone extension… She said I needed to come down stairs because there was a delivery for me. At this time I didn’t really think much of it because I was so focused on what I was working on at the time.. Any how, I came down and there was a hugeeeee bunch of beautiful flowers! I gasped with my hands over my eyes going ‘WHOOOO DID THIIIIIIS!!!!!!!!!!‘ I read the card and it was from Adam. Am I lucky or what?! Everyone was so jealous. I have had them on my desk at work all week and every time I looked at them I smiled and felt so loved and happy. I decided I just wanted to go out for dinner with Adam and celebrate quietly ourselves. To top my night off, I went to the bathroom and found this on the mirror. Isn’t this such a nice thing to see unexpectedly?

'When ever you're in doubt, remind yourself...You are beautiful'

Updates again soon as I have a lot more to write though its not all appropriate to put into one post.

Peace!

Silence!

One more time.

The past two weeks have been pretty busy for me. As I work flexible, I am able to take time off where needed so long as I make up for it. I had my second last chemo cycle last thursday so I had to take the whole day off. Meaning I worked between 9-10 hours everyday last week to make up for taking the thursday off. My day off was pretty hectic. I was on the phone to my dentist trying to work out when I can get my wisdom teeth out which I am hoping they can postpone that till next year.  Then I had a chat to the receptionist at my breast surgeons clinic. This is complicated… I thought to myself the other day ‘why haven’t I been given a date for my reconstruction surgery? Am I supposed to BOOK this?!’ The lady told me that I actually cannot book my surgery till I have seen the surgeon for my final consultation on November 4. Which really sucks because they only have ONE more appointment left for this year to have the big operation. I was pretty upset and I asked her if she could pencil me in but it seems that they cannot do that. I am praying that I get that last appointment or I will have to push my surgery on to next year some time. I was really looking forward to seeing everything out this year and moving on next year.. But really, what can you do?

Then I was off to have my full blood count (I actually had four different blood test sheets worth due to my GP requesting further studies on other problems) done in the morning then had to make my way over to medicare and medibank (which happen to be about a 25 minute drive from each other) and make some claims. I hope that money gets into my account soon because its been about 2 months since I have not had the chance to go in to medicare and medibank to be able to claim this $600 back. Next was my scheduled visit to my oncologist, I told her how I had been feeling down about treatment coming to an end but she said its all very normal and most people feel exactly the same. She also reminded me that I will still be going into the hospital pretty regularly for scans and check ups which I kinda forgot about. I need that 5-10 year clearance of the cancer not coming back. I feel 120% positive about this and know it WON’T come back to haunt me. Having gone through this at a young age can make the risk higher of cancer returning, but I don’t believe its going to happen to me.

I also discussed with her that I have been having problems with my skin breaking out, really intense stomach bloating (I looked about six months pregnant the other night and actually did a pregnancy test just incase – yes it is possible for me to fall pregnant even whilst my period has not yet returned!) and I asked if maybe this was a sign of my hormones playing up and my period possibly coming back?! She said it most probably was… Then asked ‘how are your hot flushes going?’ I blanked out and thought for a few seconds.. I DON’T EVEN GET THEM ANYMORE! I had not even realised this myself! It is very possible that my ovaries are recovering which still could take months to completely go back to normal, but I am most certainly feeling happy that I can maybe be a normal woman again sometime in the near future.

Fast forwarding to sunday, I had such a wonderful day. I helped several other young ladies, plus many other mature ladies organise and pack all of the showbags to give away at ‘The Pink Gig’ – which is already coming up and THIS saturday night! I felt extremely overwhelmed when I arrived with Kim and Casey, there were so many happy ladies there for such a good cause. We had such a nice sunny afternoon whilst sharing wine, cheese, more nibbles and just great company.

I started writing my speech on monday night. It has been a lot harder than anyone could imagine. Yeah, its on a topic I know so well and about myself but choosing the right words/things to say has been tricky. I want to be able to portray a good message which I am sure I will, but its still been hard! I hope to find out if someone has a camcorder or something and can film it so I can blog it here later on so everyone can watch it. I’d also like to watch it myself and keep for life.

Work has been going really well, I have had some very stressful days lately but it always works out one way or another. I have worn a wig to work every day since I started and getting pretty sick of putting it on every day… though I don’t feel comfortable randomly rocking up with boy short hair just yet, also the fact that I have 3 very visible tattoos in that area makes me feel a bit self conscious for only being there 5 weeks or whatever it is now!? I am sure they have already seen them and don’t mind anyway, but I just feel so exposed with this short hair.

Anyway, I am off to try think of more things to say in my speech before I get too tired and fall asleep!

Curly hair?!!?!?!

Good night all xo

One more time.