One month.

Has a month really gone this fast? Wow.

I have now been working full time for close to a month. So far I am feeling extremely well driven, motivated and high on life. I have pushed myself pretty hard into this position and learnt so much already. I feel very proud of myself. The 6am wake ups have been tough seeing as the past year I have been able to sleep as much as I want being so drained and exhausted from treatment but I now love getting up and ready for each and every new day, breathing in fresh air on my walk to the bus or train and seeing the ripe mornings has never been more beautiful.

It has been difficult at home with not seeing Adam as much. We have been so lucky to spend most days together over the past year with him working from home and looking after me. So I found that the first couple of weeks were a bit upsetting not seeing him. I guess I got used to having him by my side and feeling comfortable. I never thought I could make it this far and be out on my own again!

Once again, chemo is coming up this thursday. It will be my second last cycle. I am excited yet also scared and sad. I feel like once its all over, I don’t know..? I guess I will never go to the Ivy Suite again? That is a good thing but I think I am going to actually miss going there. Its been such a huge part of my life now and such a routine… It makes me sad even typing now. The other day I found the wig I borrowed from the Cancer Council (which I only wore twice) and I felt really blank. I picked it up and thought, okay, so I have to take this back soon. It made me feel really, really cold.

A whole ago either mum or Jess showed me a video on their phone. It was of me in my solitary hospital room from when I was suffering from neutropenia. I looked SO, so, so ill. It was days before I started losing my hair. I was so sick in the face, puffy from all the IV antibiotic drugs they were pumping me up on and I just flashed back on how depressed I was and scared for the journey I had ahead of me. I was pacing up and down my small enclosed room moving my arms in and out trying to exercise myself because I was stuck in my bed for days without being allowed to really move at all. I will have to get this off whoever’s phone it was and post it up here.

Gemma sent me a text message on sunday saying she was embarrassed because she was in a coffee shop by her self crying over a copy of STM magazine article an article on Elliot Parish. For those who do not know who Elliot is, he was a four year old little boy who very sadly lost his battle to a brain tumor earlier this year. I had to get my hands on a copy of it and ofcourse balled my eyes out. I will scan a copy for you all tomorrow to read if you did not get to see it yourself. This is one thing I have to really commend any parents who have a child that goes through cancer. I myself being a cancer patient cannot even comprehend the fact that children go through this horrible disease. I am crying now at the thought of it. What a brave little boy. It reminds me, that a couple of weeks ago, just as I had started my job – I received a phone call from Princess Margaret Hospital for Children. I was walking home from the train station after work and this lady was from Radio Lollipop. I was really excited to hear from her. She was calling in regards to my application to volunteer with the sick children.. They wanted me to go in for a further interview – I was absolutely devastated as I don’t really have the time right now with my new job, but I said to her early next year I think I will be able to make a bit more time and come in even on weekends. She was completely undersranding as she obviously knew my situation from my application but really wanted to hear back from me. So all I have to do is call them when I am able to come in and I can start any time. Stories like Elliot make me feel desperate to get to PMH and meet all the kids ASAP. I cannot wait.

On a more cheerful note, my hair has grown quite a lot since Bee cut my hair! Its gotten a lot darker as it has thickened up and I am now at a length where my two tattoos behind my ears are almost covered with hair 🙂 I actually washed and conditioned my hair tonight before taking these photos, so I don’t actually wear it like this. I wear it flat to one side and have a tiny fringe forming. I can’t wait till it gets a bit longer on the top and I can play around with it.

Last saturday I met up with the two ladies who organize  ‘The Pink Gig’ Fiona and Ange, who are both breast cancer survivors. They discussed with me what the night will involve and details about my speech. I will be talking for seven minutes to just under 400 people! I need to knuckle down and get writing so I can start learning my speech. I wish I could of met the ladies earlier than now as the event is already sold out and so soon, its on the 17th of September – 2 days before my birthday. I am really excited to share my story with everyone and I am hoping to get someone to film it so I can let you all hear/watch me. I hope I don’t cry..

I do have more to say, but its 12:27 am now which means I will get about 5 hours sleep. Damn.

Good night ❤

One month.

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