CLARITY

Hello blogworld!

I am back and going to be getting back into the swing of things in the writing world again. My head is feeling clear again after the last three hefty months of emotional ups and downs. There couldn’t really be a better time for me to have picked things back up again as tomorrow is my 30th birthday and I am quite excited to be entering a new chapter in my life.

As usual, I have a hell of a lot of things to tell everyone. A lot of people I haven’t even much this year due to my enormous recovery period, so I hope everyone is still interested in what has been going on.

I have been on and off nervous about my birthday this year. Yeah, yeah the big 3.0, dirty thirties, what ever lame buzz word you want to attach to it, yes 30. I suppose I feel like I have always had something holding me back with my numerous illness’s or accidents over my whole life really.. So to be leaving my 20’s still with no exact direction to where my life is taking me, has been one of my worries. Over the past few months I have overcome this fear for many reasons. I have learnt a lot from my experience and decided to take the good parts out of it. By no means have I missed out on anything. I have always had the most unreal friends and family, always been apart of amazing things, any person thats been apart of my life, the three careers I have already studied and worked in so really I have done a lot with my life and I am really proud of myself.

An elderly Thai man we met in Bangkok about six weeks ago (I will get back to this South East Asia holiday later on)* who is a palmist. Both Adam and I had our readings done and he confirmed absolutely everything I have been trying to push my life towards in the most positive light possible. In a nutshell, my best years are going to be my 30’s, 40’s and 50’s. I find this hard to believe because my life as stated before has already been pretty amazing. I only have so much more to look forward to, so naturally.. turning 30 is definitely going to make me even happier, healthier and full of even more adventures.

The past three months as I said have been very up and down. Not so long ago, there was a moment there where I almost gave up and started to become quite bitter. I had to try really hard to dig myself out of how I felt. To be honest, no one’s words of wisdom could even really help me here. It was all internal and just bummed me out so much. Adam and I finally took our unreal three week trip to Thailand in late July and it was only when returning home this mood struck me. Part of it was definitely part of the depression you get after coming back home from a great holiday. But hey, I felt like I had no reason to be back. No job to go to, still not 100% back into the gym work I used to do that kept me sane, I felt like I didn’t even know what hobbies I liked or anything I was apart of. Seeing people having fun made me mad. Noticing people abusing their bodies – smoking, drinking, doing stupid things pissed me off. People amongst those who abuse their bodies that have no illnesses and good skin made me furious. During our holiday my skin abosolutely freaked out. I broke out in really bad acne basically the whole time I was away. I can speak on the behalf of most girls and say that your appearance can be a big deal at times, so the fact I have only one breast (again) plus bad skin and crappy short, mullet-ish hair, its hard to get ready everyday to make yourself look decent enough to be in public.

Anyhow, I decided after being back I needed to change something. My life felt dull, I was lacking energy and sleeping at odd times, my skin was still horrible and I just felt shit – so something had to be done. I decided to see a naturopath. I was sick of all the heavy pain killers and antibiotics I kept using because I had easy access to them. I was then referred to a naturopath who specializes in cancer patients. Yep, I defintely did the right thing at the right time. My immune system was really not coping AT ALL. The chemicals from chemo, anesthetics still in my body from all the surgeries I have had in the last 18 months and all the drugs I have had to be taking to cope with pain and infections… My body really felt like it was about to give up. Deb put me on soooo many new natural medications. My diet was already spot on but I felt like I ate healthy for no reason. It had no effect so I may as well of been eating shit. I have been on chemotherapy detoxification for a month now and I am a completely new person. Its been an extreeeemely difficult process. In the first week the meds were so strong in my system that I got really sick. Big chest infection, chronic fatigue, SEVERE ACNE: face, neck, back, shoulders, chest and top of arms. My skin now, on the fourth week of this, still is clearing up but a definite change for the good. I blew up with bloating so much that when my mum saw me she asked if I had been crying because my eyes were so puffy. I couldn’t even wear my jeans! My neck and jaw line blended as one. I as like a blimp. My energy levels are now absolutely sky rocketing, I even wake up at the same time every morning now, not at 12 in the afternoon. She told me that I would not believe myself when it kicked in… and I don’t. I feel like I have the endorphins from exercise all the time… IS THIS HOW YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO FEEL ALL THE TIME? well, I never knew this because my immune system has never been great. NEVER. She has put me on what she calls the ‘Rolls Royce’ of treatment. The vitamin C I take, is stronger than the intravenous boosters you can get. Some of the other pills I take are literally saving chemo patients lives right now, and for sure, making my life a lot better. Seeing this naturopath is hands down the best thing I have ever done in my life. The timing was perfect for this detox as I also go into surgery on the 26th of September to have my implant put back in and the stretching process with begin again from day one. The right implant will be taken out and replaced with the permanent one. Apparently it will be a small process and just an overnight stay, so I am not even stressing it. Thanks to the naturopath my immune system is going to fight surgery so hard that should bounce back to normal soon after. I trust that everything is only uphill from now.

Getting back to our trip. Adam and I had such a fantastic time. It was a pretty hard time for us to go away, things were a lil tough emotionally for us at home. It was only a couple of days before we left that I said ‘you know what, we need to find out fun again and try and enjoy our lives. We are NOT canceling this trip…’ We agreed that we had to give it a go and that we really needed a holiday, we totally deserved it after everything we had been through! I think we both knew that this trip could have gone either way for us but it just went to show, that our love for each other is just insane. We care so much for each other and after this holiday being so successful no matter what can get us down – I believe we will ALWAYS be able to dig ourselves out to happiness again. I didn’t think there was anymore of us to find out about each other because we know each other so, so well. But it felt like we bonded more than ever. We really thrive as a couple and nothing will break us.

I guess you want to see some photos?… 🙂

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Singapore – Marina Bay Sands – Ku De Ta
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Singapore Zoo Night Safari
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Singapore Gardens (AMAZING!)
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Singapore Gardens: Rainforest Dome (AMAZING!)

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Phuket – Post 3 hours of Muai Thai training
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Phuket – Our bike which we rode everywhere (scary but fun)
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We found an amazing resort to have a sneaky swim in with our friends Michael & Suhalia ❤

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Phuket – Snacks before the big trip up to Big Buddah

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Phuket – I loooove elephants
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Bangkok – The Palmist

In other news, my sister will be returning home on thursday from being in the USA for three or so months now? I am really looking forward to seeing her as I miss her heaps and we have a lot to catch up on.

I have been reading heaps about the body, organic life, health, cells, science, salvestrols and anti-cancer methods. Whilst also been practicing my meditation and pilates to get my body nice and relaxed and well stretched for upcoming surgery. All good times ahead.

I will be in touch with some more stuff this week, like the process on my hair growth! The pics from our holiday I have some hair extensions in so my hair isn’t that long, but its pretty long 😉

“The more of me I be, The clearer I can see.”

CLARITY