Feeling free

Imagine yourself taking a big deep breathe in and letting out a big sigh of relief. Why? Because as I started to write this post, that is exactly what I did and continued to type with a big smile.

My life is finally starting to take shape and form some kind of direction. This year has been busy for us with selling our home and moving into another one which we intend to re-build on early 2014. Our Thailand wedding is coming up in the next couple of months which is super exciting but again keeping me insanely busy. It has been such a joy to plan and organise. I also have been studying web design for a few weeks whilst taking on some work from home, keeping up my weekly voluntary work at the children’s hospital and writing guest posts for Therese Kerr and the lovely Alison at Relauncher. My body is feeling amazing after months of back rehabilitation and physiotherapy, my strength is back and I am training six days a week, sometimes twice a day! Along with all of this, I have just got a new part-time job. I love everything in my life right now and I could not be any happier.

After doing so much inspirational voluntary work along side the Breast Cancer Foundations, I have found myself pulling back on a lot of it. I have recently turned down several opportunities due to what feels like I have moved on. My mind is set on prioritising myself as #1 by doing what is going to now enhance and cherish my life to make me my happiest. It has not been an easy thing to do after so long, but it just seems to be an automated feeling inside me which makes me feel very proud and my positivity is beaming stronger each and everyday.

In saying all this, life has not been a walk in the park. It has been very difficult this year to reach this point of success and fulfilment. I think the big questions that survivors of any life threatening disease ask themselves is “So what do I do now? How to I pick up where I left off? Do I want to continue where I was headed.. or Do I make some big changes and start off fresh?” I think we all take this in different ways. For me, I had to think long and hard about what it is I want to be doing. I thought I was happy where I was before my illness but I didn’t feel as though I knew where I was heading or what my purpose was in life. I now feel confirmed that what I enjoy doing is what I need to be doing. I never liked the thought of myself working a full-time job doing the same thing everyday, I did it on and off for a while, but it always came back to wanting to do a few different things with my time and feeding my brain with creativity whilst also nurturing my caring side with something health or body related. Funnily enough, both two things I have qualifications in but being too completely different careers, I never really thought I would be piecing them to be worked in conjunction with each other.

Now, I have managed my life into being able to make both of these things work together and I feel like I have opened myself to a whole new me – which of course was always inside me. Being able to take time to look at yourself and reflect on what you want from your life is something we all need to take the time to do. You don’t have to feel lost or unhappy with your life, you just need to understand who you are and where you want to be to make you the best you. No one can do this for you but yourself.

It has not just been a hard year of me finding my true self, but for Adam too. To be able to come out from the anxiety of not having to worry about me everyday, or being able to go on a holiday and feeling free rather than thinking ‘Is Rach okay? Am I a bad person to be leaving her at home whilst I am away or out at work for the night?’ Absolutely not. But coming out from being the carer from a life threatening illness.. This is how your mind can make you feel about every single thing you do. Though it was me that has gone through all of the surgeries, illness and pain.. I cannot express enough honour to Adam for what he has been through himself to support me and watch me go through it all with so much love and support. Today, he is the strongest, most inspirational and successful person I have met in my life.

I feel so blessed to be able to be getting married at the end of this year to this extraordinary man. It could not be happening at a better time after a hard year of emotions and the questioning of life and where we are. It has all worked out and we are feeling on top of the world.


Feeling free